I have had a lot of thoughts tumbling around in my head the last week or so. Spending 10 days on retreat, it would be silly not to spend some introspective time. I'm not quite sure what the fruits will be of this time, but I feel like I've planted some seeds.
The other thing that has happened since getting home, is that I realized that we are about to face a very cash-strapped summer. My work is seasonal, and my husband is employed at the University, so neither of us will have incomes over the summer. It's not that I didn't realize this before, but now I really thought about it, and saw that there was no way we could make it without dipping into savings. I started to feel worry and fear creep in a bit. Pretty unwelcome feelings after 10 days of bliss!
Yes, we could get summer jobs, and we may in some form. But I think one of the seeds that I planted during my time in India, was to just let things be. Sit with the discomfort. When all is said and done, the time is more important to me than the money. I am trying to turn that frown upside down, and see the good that will come from this.
I am grateful that we will have 3 months with time that is all our own. I am grateful that we have enough cash on hand to see us through (although it pains me to spend it). I am grateful to be able to get down to basics, to pare down, and re-examine our spending habits.
I know it will be hard. But I think it will be wonderful. I am looking forward to a summer of camping, hiking, laying out under the stars, and picnics in the park. Reading, yoga, and daydreaming. Maybe even of being bored. Like the kind you had as a kid, when the summer days stretched endlessly on.
It's all so hard to imagine, as I sit here typing after a snowy (yes, we had flakes today!) morning, while getting ready to go to work. When the anxiety starts to creep back in, I want to look at the image above with the words I added, and remember to sit with the discomfort. It will pass.