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What is Torture? Let me tell you the true meaning of torture . . .

Posted Feb 03 2009 10:55pm
I was listening to the radio the other day as I was out running errands and caught the end of a news item where they were discussing the topic of what qualifies as torture. Although the discussion seemed interesting and spirited, I was busy planning my day in my mind. I am going on a winter vacation in February and was out running errands and picking up items for the trip.

One item I need for this trip is a new swim suit. As I started my look for such an item, and going thru the ordeals etc of shopping for a swimsuit, I quickly discovered the true meaning of torture. The discussion on the radio did not even cover the true meaning of torture as far as I am concerned. Later that day, I thought, huh, they need to talk to a 53 year old woman shopping for a swim suit in the middle of January, NOW that is torture.

In fact, let me describe for you my idea of a day of torture.

First of all, where I live, in January you have to wear several layers of clothing when you go out because the temperature is typically in the 20’s. Plus socks and more often than not some type of boots. Not the best clothing attire to wear when you are going to shop for something that requires you removing all or most of your clothes. Step one in Torture, set the stage!

Also, I would think that when torturing someone that the site should emulate and enhance the torture. What better venue than a brightly lit dressing room! They are torture enough when you are trying on clothes, but trying on a swim suit in the middle of January? UGHHH. Your skin is at its whitest, you are still fighting post holiday weight gain and to save time, you probably won’t take off your knee socks. What a picture – NOW that is torture.

In my life, torture is, being honest and getting a size larger than last year, getting in the dressing room, taking off all your clothes and when you try on the first suit, it is too small. NOW, that is torture. To add insult to injury, there is no sales girl around when you need one, so you have to put all your clothes back on to go out and get more suits, a size larger. THAT is torture.

As I was running my errands, I stopped in a small shopping center. As I parked my car, I noticed a shop that I had not noticed before. It was something like Swimwear Etc. I looked at the sign a couple times and thought, hey, maybe this is fate, perhaps it was meant for me to go in there and find the perfect swim suit. So I bravely walked over and into the shop.

After I got inside the door I quickly discovered the shop was one that sold swim suits for “swimmers”, you know those ‘Speedo’ type suits that the professional swimmers wear. My first impulse was to quickly turn and run out. But there were a couple sales women looking at me and I did not want to look foolish. So I stepped further in and thought, “oh no, this is awful”. The sales girl walked over and asked if she could help me, with a tone and look on her face that said, ‘yeah right, this lady must be looking for directions’. More torture.

I muttered something like – “Do you sell swim suits other than this type, these all look like they are for “serious” swimmers? I’m looking for, you know, swim suits that are appropriate for lying around the pool and drinking margaritas”? Dead silence and she just looked at me. I quickly thumbed thru a rack and found a tankini and said “oh, yes, like this, I will just look around.” One thing I discovered the people who work in this store have NO sense of humor. People with no sense of humor towards life are Torture to me.

Looking thru the rack, I quickly found that the only “poolside appropriate” suits were ugly and almost screamed; NO I DON’T SWIM FOR FITNESS. Again, I just wanted to run out, but walked around sort of looking. When I noticed the one sales girl had gone to the back of the store and the other was helping a customer, I quickly walked out the door.
I had to chuckle to myself, as I walked away, another method of torture, put the person in a very uncomfortable situation and don’t help them at all – watch them scrim. TORTURE!

As I have mentioned in previous blogs, I love to shop. I love the hunt, I love to just look. But the one thing I DO NOT love to shop for is a swim suit. THAT is torture. That day I did discover a few stores had some suits in stock, I guess getting ready for spring break shoppers. But those I found where both cute and very small sizes or very ugly in my size! And to add to insult, many had those “skirts” on them. Are they kidding?!? All those skirts remind me of are those dancing hippos in the cartoons my daughter watched every weekend. Remember them? They had bathing suits with the little tutu skirts? I refuse to be reminded of those dancing hippos every time I put on my swim suit. How cruel.

Another shop I stopped in had suits but they wanted a small fortune for them. If I am going to spend a hundred dollars plus for a suit, it better make me look awfully damn good. When I put one on that is very expensive and it does not look any better than a cheaper one – that is torture.

I do have some nice swim suits I purchased last year; I have not had the courage to try them on yet. But - I do believe they will fit, I do believe they will fit, I do, I do, I do. So I have something to take on the trip. But it would be nice to have a new swim suit. I have never had many cover-ups etc, but perhaps now is the time to invest in some really cute cover ups. Now those should be easy and not torture to shop for. I am a woman; I will not succumb to torture!

Waitress, another Margareta please!!!
Stay warm,
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