Why wouldn’t you buy this?

By: Steve Hofstetter

I needed to buy a birthday present for my uncle. It was hard to find exactly what I was looking for. I needed something that:

1. Cost as much to ship as it did to buy.
2. Cost three times as much as it would if it weren’t kitchy.
3. Was in the shape of Texas A&M’s logo.
4. Was edible, and small enough to be consumed in one serving so it would not last.
5. Did not cost more than $15 because I don’t like him very much.

Thank you, pasta fairy. Thank you.