Well, Hyundai is having problems figuring out what's going on with the brakes on my new-to-me-in-June car. So they've called in the Dr. House of Hyundai to take a look at it.
I would think by now that my car is a lemon. So I have to remind myself of the backstory. Here's the sequence of events with a lot of yadda-yaddaing. See if you can spot all the metaphors:
1. I take the car to the dealer shortly after I buy it to get its little checkup. I tell them it's making a high-pitched cicada-like sound all the time except when the clutch is in. They say the sound is typical for the model.
2. I return to the same dealer to get something replaced under warranty. I ask them to take another listen to the cicada noise. They tell me it's the clutch. I wish I were living in a time of women fainting a lot.
3. I get the car back and notice that the odometer isn't changing. But that makes sense because I'm driving down the expressway at 0mph. I go back so they can plug the meters in. On my way home, I notice that the radio isn't making any noise. I drive around in silence.
4. I take the car back to the dealer because after a few weeks of driving the car, the clutch is squeaking whenever I push it in and out. I ask them to plug the speakers back in too. They call to say, essentially, they fucked up the first time and have to replace a bunch of other stuff on the clutch. They tell me the stereo issue is a busted amplifier. I can get a new one for $400. I tell them no.
5. When I get the car back, they tell me the speakers came on all by themselves just before I arrived. On my way home, I notice that the anti-lock brakes seem to be activating more easily than usual. I think it's my imagination. After a week or so, I admit that no, the anti-lock brakes shouldn't activate when I'm braking for a stoplight at 20mph.
6. I do nothing. Then I take the car to another dealer. They give me a loaner and keep mine for a week and a half before telling me they're calling in the Dr. House of Hyundai, who will be in on Wednesday, December 19, 2012 to take a look at my car. (Today.)
7. I fill out a questionnaire to see Dr. Fred Howard in Rochester, NY, a pudendal-neuralgia specialist . I MAIL THE QUESTIONNAIRE TODAY, WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2012.
8. My toilet is fine.
I want to quip about the following: nerve entrapment and how it is maybe not like quantum entanglement but like it metaphorically which I could misuse to hypothesize that the soul of my car needs to be disentangled from the soul of my vulva so they both can get some peace plus a little about kismet, but I can't. I wrote this last Friday and held off on posting it due to the Sandy Hook shooting. I figure since Dr. House of Hyundai was supposed to evaluate my car today and I also sent off the questionnaire, I might as well put this post through and let my thoughts jell a little more before seeing if I want to write about Sandy Hook. ♥ All my love to the people of Newtown, and to everyone else in the world.