Sometimes, I bring my heart and soul so fully and deeply into what I am doing, that I feel it is breaking me at the edges. I am tired, muscles ache all the time, I get sick easily, and I just sometimes need to sleep for long periods of time. On top of that, I feel that I get too emotionally attached to some of my clients. I have to step back. Give the information, websites, studies, patient handouts, and let the client make the decision. This is especially difficult when it is a family member that comes to you for advice/help/ideas.
I don't want to lose that emotional bond that I feel with my clients. I admit, I don't feel that connection with each and every one of them, because there are literally too many. I see how midwives can get burned out, and I haven't even finished my clinicals yet.
I don't want to be a cold, clinical type of midwife either. That is just not me.
How to find the right balance? I'm still working on that.
Right now, a close person on my life is having a cesarean section. It's not the end of the world, I tell myself. She agreed to have the cesarean section. Do I think it's right? Is it my place to tell her how I really feel about it right now? Absolutely NOT. This is her time to shine. She's going to be a mom! But at the same time, I know there were other options available, although they may or may not be directly available to her. My role is to be supportive. To love her, to love the new baby, to be happy and joyful for her and her growing family. I have to come to terms with my own feelings (NOT sharing them with her, that would totally distract from her moment of becoming a new mother), and find a way to just let them..........go.
A woman is given information, choices, education of the options........then it is my role to support her decision. End of story.