In society, men and women have been assigned different attributes with which come the usual gender roles. A man who is more vocal is seen as assertive while a woman in the same situation may be seen as aggressive or a nuisance. Whatever the case is, you’re carrying your personality into your relationship. How you chose to express your self, matters especially in your relationship with your partner. At some point in life you have made the decision to commit to this particular person for one reason or another. What matters the most now is to make this relationship work. If your goal is to “never fight”, this is an unrealistic goal. Everyone fights. What you may need to learn instead is when to compromise and when to assert yourself. If this does not happen, you may become either the oppressor or the victim in a relationship. Neither role is healthy. The end result will be resentment and unresolved conflict. Think of how you would like to be treated by your partner. You can not feel safe and respected in a relationship if you lack assertiveness. Being assertive does not mean being rude or disconnected from you partner. Assertiveness can take many forms from saying no in regard to going to an event you do not want to go to, or keeping your personal spiritual, political and moral values unchanged despite the differences between you and your partner. Being assertive, does not mean that you should always stubbornly stick to your persuasions. You have to make time to really hear your partner’s side out too.
*Excerpt from: Couple's Communication Made Easy (audio book)