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Gwyneth Paltrow Lives In A (Clean) Bubble

Posted Apr 27 2014 5:52pm

img-bathroom I’m sort of obsessed with people who live in bubbles.  Not a physical bubble, but the kind where people are so sheltered from reality because of things that make people around them treat them better.  Things like beauty, wealth, and power.

I have a friend who is so ridiculously beautiful that her view of the world is fairly…skewed.  Things that regularly come out of her mouth:

“I can’t believe how nice everyone is.”
“You should speak your mind more, people are so receptive.”
“What do you mean you don’t have plans?”

I don’t fault her for it, I actually find it to be very entertaining.  It’s like watching elephants in their natural habitat on the Discovery Channel. I know nothing about her species and I find it fascinating to watch how she interacts with the world.  30 Rock had a great episode with Jon Hamm where because he was so handsome, people bent over backwards to make him happy and no one ever told him he was bad at anything.  He drove a motorcycle poorly and should have never gotten his license.  He orders off the menu and makes substitutions while Liz Lemon gets dirty looks when she tries the same thing.  He is a terrible cook and possibly worse at tennis.  Being in the bubble means that he is lacking essential life skills because he never had to develop them.

Which brings me to Gwenyth Paltrow – one of my favorite bubble dwellers. She says ridiculous things . She recommends the absurd. But I can’t fault her.  Gwynnie grew up the definition of privileged – her parents were the trifecta of bubble dwellers: rich, attractive, and famous.  Our Gwyn is the daughter of a successful actress and film director/producer and she became an actress right away herself, winning an Oscar at 26.  She’s never had an office job, experienced rudeness at a restaurant, or cleaned toilets. How in the world could she know what it’s like for the rest of us?

She is just so earnest with her advice and she dispenses it without a hint of irony. She calls Jay Z “Jay.” She threw a vegan themed birthday party for her daughter. When she got SAD , she determined that January was “international month” in her home and completed the theme with an italian chef, anime screenings, and sushi lessons for her kids  (can she please adopt me). When I don’t like the weather outside, I cope with it by staying indoors and surfing the web for sweaters for my dogs, loading up an online cart, and then abandoning it because I get distracted by a cat video. See? She and I are the same.

My favorite Gwyn-gem: “When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback, it’s like, ‘No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?’

Now who hasn’t been an utter wreck trying to find a good waxer in Paris?

She truly believes that her website is a helpful and attainable lifestyle guide for people. When in reality Gwynnie is probably not aware that the rest of us may not need “the perfect ($600) blazer” –  a statement piece casual enough to wear when Jose Andres surprises you at home with a bag of fresh produce from the farmer’s market to cook for you, yet chic enough to wear on your way to Diddy’s white party.  What’s that? It doesn’t wrinkle on your private plane? Stupendous!

So yes, I am open about the fact that I subscribe to goop (the name alone reminds me she is not of this world) – and they actually had a great little blurb this week about the chemicals in cleaning products that is worth a glance if you can get past the interstitials – especially the one featuring the yellow one piece bathing suit  maillot that is probably see-through, and I am fairly sure they photoshopped out the model’s nipples (for crying out loud the bathing suit has “chest slits”). Now, who doesn’t want a bathing suit you can’t actually swim in?

See? she’s just like us!

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