You're so vein.

Hello out there.  It's me.  I'm alive.  It's freaking hot outside, and we spent the day in the pool making like dead fish.  You know it's warm when no relief from the heat comes from getting in the water.  The water was like swimming in pee.  Warm, strangely comforting and nearly body temperature.  Swimming makes you feel lighter, though, even if you have excess skin from weight loss that floats up and makes you look alien.  No, that's currently not my problem, it's Bob's.  My skin is nearly taut again from the actual alien growing in my abdomen.  He's the one with the loose skin, since he's still nearly at his weight goal and skinny-ish.  My problem?  Besides being fat and cranky?  The freaking veins in my legs.  If I drop dead, it WILL BE THE RESULT of the gigantic varicosties in my legs that are refusing to send blood back to the region of my heart.  You have no clue how awful they've become.  Last summer, they were ugly and obvious, but didn't look so bad since I was overall a smaller person with no reason to swell.  This summer, they're so sexy, green and blue bulging veins snaking around my thigh and calf to my ankles, looking as if they'd burst open at any time and I'd bleed to death.

About these super sexy leg veins:

What are varicose veins?

Arteries bring oxygen-rich blood from your heart to the rest of your body. Veins return oxygen-poor blood back to your heart.

Varicose veins are swollen veins that you can see through your skin. They often look blue, bulging, and twisted. Left untreated, varicose veins may worsen over time. Large varicose veins can cause aching and feelings of fatigue as well as skin changes like rashes, redness, and sores. As many as 40 million Americans, most of them women, have varicose veins.

You have two kinds of veins in your legs. Superficial veins lie close to your skin. Deep veins lie in groups of muscles. Deep veins lead to the vena cava, your body's largest vein, which runs directly to your heart. Perforating veins connect superficial veins to deep veins. Varicose veins occur in the superficial veins in your legs.

The blood in your leg veins must work against gravity to return to your heart. To help move blood back to your heart, your leg muscles squeeze the deep veins of your legs and feet. One-way flaps called valves in your veins keep blood flowing in the right direction. When your leg muscles contract, the valves inside your veins open. When your legs relax, the valves close. This prevents blood from flowing backward. The entire process of sending blood back to the heart is called the venous pump.

When you walk and your leg muscles squeeze, the venous pump works well. But when you sit or stand, especially for a long time, the blood in your leg veins can pool and the pressure in your veins can increase. Deep veins and perforating veins are usually able to withstand short periods of increased pressures. However, if you are a susceptible individual, your veins can stretch if you repeatedly sit or stand for a long time. This stretching can sometimes weaken the walls of your veins and damage your vein valves. Varicose veins may result. Spider veins are mild varicose veins. They look like a nest of red or blue lines just under your skin. Spider veins are not a serious medical problem, but they can be a cosmetic concern to some people.

What are the symptoms?

If you have varicose veins, your legs may feel heavy, tired, restless, or achy. Standing or sitting for too long may worsen your symptoms. You may also experience night cramps.

You may notice small clusters of veins in a winding pattern on your leg, or soft, slightly tender knots of veins. Sometimes, the skin on your legs may change color, become irritated, or even form sores.

If you have severe varicose veins, you have slightly increased chances of developing deep vein thrombosis (DVT). DVT may cause sudden, severe leg swelling. DVT is a serious condition that requires immediate medical attention.

What causes varicose veins?

High blood pressure inside your superficial leg veins causes varicose veins.

Factors that can increase your risk for varicose veins include having a family history of varicose veins, being overweight, not exercising enough, smoking, standing or sitting for long periods of time, or having DVT. Women are more likely than men to develop varicose veins. Varicose veins usually affect people between the ages of 30 and 70.

Pregnant women have an increased risk of developing varicose veins, but the veins often return to normal within 1 year after childbirth. Women who have multiple pregnancies may develop permanent varicose veins.

So, yes, I've determined that I'm going to die of Deep Vein Thrombosis at some point.  It's no wonder I can't sit down without my legs aching and twitching.  Sleeping is becoming difficult, my legs wake ME up!