I'm not sure how long it's been now, several months at least that I've really been trying hard to work on the mental aspects of myself. Sure I've been doing some mental work my whole life to bring me to this point but I think now where I am is so different than say even a year ago. I'm trying to rewrite those tapes in my head about my self image that I've carried with me all my life. It's tough work. Then of course there's the scale that is always in the background trying to define who I am. Of course it's just my inner self doing that to me as I know the scale is just a lump of metal and plastic with no brain. I know when I'm doing healthy things for myself everything always seems right with the world. I know deep down it's really my mind that comes first in all of it. That when I'm feeling good emotionally then I want to treat my body well. I listened to something on the BFFM Inner circle the other day by Tom Venuto, he said draw a circle and then said that was my comfort zone. He talked about us drawing a new circle for ourselves and how we have to continue drawing more circles. It made me think of myself stuck between two circles sometimes dipping my foot back into the comfort zone or even sometimes diving back in. But it also made me realize that more times I'm just in that place between the two not sure how to draw the next circle to jump into. That's what writing my goals the other day was about, drawing that next circle. To get to a point of knowing deep down in my core that I don't need to dip my foot or even a toe back in that comfort zone. That I will just keep pushing myself to keep drawing more and more new circles for myself and continue to grow mentally and physically into the person I know I am capable of being. I've been reading and listening a lot about "visualize yourself accomplishing your goals" and the past few days I've found myself tearing up picturing myself crossing the finish line of my first marathon. I know it will happen for me this year. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say there was still a bit of doubt that lives inside me but I also know there is a determination that will over come it to help me walk across that line. It takes me back to that poem:
Our Deepest Fear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
I need to read that poem to myself often. Lately I have read so much from other people that do shine and that push past their fears and they accomplish their goals. Then there are people like me that let their fears run way to much of their life. I hope anyone reading this will have the same reaction I do every time I read it. They know deep down they are capable of shining just as bright as every other person they see with their light on. So with that said I want each of you that doubt yourself even for a minute to keep those words close to your heart and know you are deserving of shining. Till next time...