It was a hard week and I wanted a reward. I not only ate my usual array of gummy bear-like candies, I also added some mini Reece’s pieces to my selection. Later that night I got to thinking about my candy binge. It’s true I wanted a reward, but I think it was much more complicated than this. As I lay awake thinking, it occurred to me I’ve been worrying about money lately. To tell the truth my money worries have been around for the past 4 or 5 months, and that was when I first picked up a selection of four different kinds of candy to have whenever I wanted some. Only the candy became an everyday thing over the past four or five months.
I’m really good at losing whatever weight I gain from these forays into candy, and so I’ve kept my weight right around where it should be. Nevertheless, I don’t like what I’ve been doing with the candy, and I especially don’t like what I did last week. So far this week I was able to dispense with the candy “rewards”. Instead, I am working hard to put my troubles and worries into words rather than putting candy in my mouth.
The money worries are still there. I haven’t found a way to solve them yet. I’m working on this. You probably won’t be surprised when you hear I found a number of other concerns I was trying to address through my candy eating. They are in no order of importance: dips in my self-esteem, feeling lonely because I’m isolating myself, not having enough enjoyment, feeling insecure, avoiding my husband sexually, and mad at myself for not doing better in life.
There you have it. You can see why I’m on myself about the candy habit. Because when I think about it, really think about it, like I did one night late last week, I know it’s just me not wanting to face me.