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Why I Do My Own Damned Work

Posted Feb 06 2013 9:16am

Have you ever had one of those “dark night of the soul” kind of days? The kind that feel full of doom and gloom and WTF?

I had one last week. And the funny thing is that even while in the midst of it, I knew it was short-lived. It was due partly to hormones. For as long as I can remember, every once in a while my monthly period is accompanied by a day or two of absolute dread. And even though I know it’s neither “real” nor warranted, in the moment it feels spectacularly real.

It was also due to feeling as if I’d failed at something at which I really want to excel.

Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but I am in the midst of learning a specific style of life coaching (and it’s powerful!). I enrolled in Brooke Castillo’s Life Coach School (LCS) and have completed 12 weeks of skills-based training and a couple of weeks started a 12-week live practicum in which I get on a call twice a week with the 10 other students and with Brooke, and we practice.

Having done well in first 12 weeks, not to mention that I’ve been rockin’ it with my clients for several months and getting amazing feedback from them, I was really looking forward to the practicum.

Until I got on that first call. And then all of a sudden I was full of doubt.

I found myself questioning my every move. For example, just as I was about to jump into the conversation, I stopped myself and thought, “If I just jump in, she might think I’m rude or seeking attention.” And then when I held myself back I thought, “If I hold myself back she might think I’m not assertive enough!”

And then: “I have no idea how to please her!”

And then, “OMG, she’s back. The needy little girl in me who wants Mommy’s approval is back! Where did she come from? I thought I put her to bed for good a year ago!”

(Some of you may remember this blog post: Practicing: Revenge? If you’d like to read it, message me for the password.)

Crazy, right? Anyway, once I realized that I had a major case of wanting to please the teacher, I laughed at myself and relaxed (a little). And I let myself take imperfect action, volunteering to practice along with everyone else knowing that it would feel awkward and that I might not do it “right” the first time. And I didn’t.

LCS Truth: when we try and please someone we’re usually doing so because we think we can control what that person thinks about us. That’s impossible, right? So in the moment of trying to please someone else, we’re basically lying about who we are in order to get that person’s approval. If that person likes us based on a lie, then that person doesn’t really like us.

Anyway, after the call, I took some time to examine my thoughts. I recognized some old belief patterns and decided to do a couple of rounds of EFT. “Even though I feel needy and desperate I still love and accept myself…”

I do my own work so I can do my best work. I have a burning desire show others how they can help themselves and one thing I know for damned sure is that I can’t do that unless I help myself…even if it means I have to go to an uncomfortable place emotionally in order to do so. My feelings cannot destroy me and being uncomfortable is a gift.

“Give yourself permission to doubt yourself. It’s going to happen sometimes, and it’s okay. Don’t pretend. Own it. I believe doubt is a part of growth.  It seems to accompany us to any new venture. It reveals all the thoughts we have that might not serve us. Thoughts to work. Feel your doubt. Work your thoughts. Then, doubt your doubt.” ~ Brooke Castillo

I need to practice in order to master . If you’re interested in some free coaching, please leave a comment below and I’ll be in touch.

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