I was always stressed,
stressed out to the max. My only cure for years and years was food. I never ate
a lot at a time, but over the years a pound here and a pound there really added
up. I won’t tell you what I weigh; it’s much too much. I’m really a small
person and the weight I’m carrying is no good for me.
Just lately I haven’t felt
as stressed. What I realized as a result of being in such a good relationship
with a new boyfriend is that because of who I am (was) I had this way of
distorting things. For example, I remember this review I got at work a couple
of years ago. My boss praised me over and over for my work, and I left the
review feeling terrific. It was just the next day, though, when he asked me to
change the way I had been entering some data, that the bottom fell out for me.
I couldn’t help thinking that all he told me yesterday was to make me feel
better, and he was really dissatisfied with my work.
Well, I’ve used this kind of
distortion to cause myself pain and self-doubt, and stress for the last time
(keep your fingers crossed). I finally learned from Benji that I’m a good
person, a lovable person. I think I can finally substitute a more solid sense
of my worth for overeating and weight gain.