I’ve been stewing over something for a few weeks now and haven’t known how to talk about it “out loud,” so I’ll just throw it out there. For some reason wine no longer agrees with me. Meaningif I have a glassI later wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I’m gonna hurl (so farI haven’t actually thrown up but I get chillssweatsand that uneasy feeling). And if you read my “What Am I Really Afraid Of” blog postyou know thatnext to someone ELSE being nauseatedmy biggest fear is being nauseated myself! I’m talking heart-pounding panic attacks here.
This has happened on three separate occasions in the past two months. It doesn’t happen if I don’t drink wine. And so I haven’t been. The only thing I can connect this reaction to is the fact that I’ve been undergoing treatment for Lyme disease and Epstein-Barr virus so perhaps it’s the medications I was (and currently am) taking. Maybe it’s hormonal.
The only other time I’ve had this reaction to wine was when flying. The first time it happened (I’d had one glass)I thought it was just a fluke. When it happened a second time (two glasses)I decided I’d never drink on a plane again.
Nowyou also may remember that I’ve struggled with a wine habit. What bothered me most were the empty calories because more often than notit was the glass(es) of wine that would be put me over “the limit” on caloriesnot to mention making me hungrier and less apt to care about mindless snacking in the evening.
But now here I amscared to drink wine. You’d think I’d be grateful but I amin factpissed and resentful. Something that I used to enjoy has been made scary and highly unpleasant. On an intellectual level I know it’s better for me that I don’t drink winebut I feel like a child who’s favorite toy has been taken away. It’s not fair.