This morning I am sitting here exhausted from another week of training for the sprint triathlon. It ROCKS! Tomorrow is my easy day and all I have to do is run, whew. Looking forward to it!
Some interesting things have happened in the past couple of weeks that I would have never expected and it all comes down to letting go. Weird huh? I have been working so hard towards getting somewhere, not sure where just trying to get to somewhere better, lighter, healthier. The biggest problem I have ran into is that I have been micro-managing, and trying to control everything. In my mind that is not a bad thing, I should be in control of what I am doing each day to reach my goals, right? Well I am finding out the answer for me and my compulsive controlling is NO! I have had to let go and by doing so everything has fallen into place.
Instead of working out with an I can’t wait to be done attitude, I have really taken the time to appreciate what my body and mind are capable of. Have you ever really thought about what your true potential is? What you are physically capable of? Up until now I had never thought of it. The more fit I am getting the more I can see what my potential is. Once we just let go of all of the doubt and push our bodies to do what we think is impossible, the possibilities are endless.
When you are out of shape and overweight there seems to be two worlds. Right now I feel like I am almost completely leaving my fat world behind and trying to get used to my fit world. That may sound very strange to you but it is very real to me right now.
These are my two worlds:
My Fat World- This is the world I have lived in most all of my life, my fat world. This world is the place where I had no expectations, no dreams and no belief. I was not always unhappy in this world but more often than not I was disappointed, in myself, in the limits my weight had set for me, and in my lack of commitment to change. I had given up to the notion that I would just always be here. To think back on this I find it strange to have found comfort in this place. My days and activities revolved around food and being lazy. One of my loves is baking. I would bake when I was bored and eat, and eat, and eat. There was something fulfilling being able to create goodies to share with my family and friends. All day long I would find myself eating until I was stuffed and feeling lethargic and ashamed. Such a mean world for me to just exist in. What bothers me more than anything today is the fact that I created this world by my choices each day, insane and so scary that I could easily slip back here.
My Fit World– This is the world I am finally feeling like I am in. Weird place to be and at the same time very exciting full of hope, dreams, and belief in myself. It has been strange to be here in this world and not be a size 6. I would have thought I would have to be small and weigh so much less, but I don’t. There have been times in my life that I got close to this world and gave up, never really stepping inside. Now today finally here I am, I have arrived. (big smile) To be here I have had to leave my fat world behind. The two worlds do not mesh. I am finding strength that I never knew I had and endurance that just surprises me each day. It feels good here but at the same time I am not naive to what it is going to take to stay. Something has clicked in me and I finally get it. To stay here I have to plan on staying for life. This is not a place I can come and go as I please. Right now I am in a phase of adjustment getting used to all of it and it is addicting, scary and exciting all at the same time. It is NOT easy but to be present in this world is so worth it, I love it here!
My challenge to you no matter your size or fitness level–
Sit down and really think about your world. Where are you? Are you happy? Where do you want to go? Do you have dreams? Do you believe in yourself? Know that it is NEVER to late and you are NEVER a hopeless case. Ask yourself, what do you have to lose? Dare for just a moment to think of what is waiting for you. What could your life be with less weight, more energy and better health? Believe in yourself and know that YOU are worth it!