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What I have learned and am learning

Posted Aug 13 2011 1:49am
I have learned that it isn’t about the food it is about the mind and how we think about food. That is all weight loss is. We have to change our relationship with food which is not a easy task. It is like telling a drug addict, you can have your drugs, but you can only have these drugs and you can only have it this many times a day and you can only have it for this reason. Food was my drug of choice. Did you catch the fact I said WAS. I am officially letting go. I am so over food now. I don’t enjoy it like I used to. Sure I can taste some delicious flavors but I don’t need to have it for every single reason you can think of. I eat (or drink) my 3 meals a day and I am good. An average day is a protein shake for breakfast, 4-5 bites of tuna or beans or a string cheese for lunch, and for dinner it varies. But dinner again is about 4-5 bites and I’m done. I’ve finally gotten to a point where I am not throwing up. I was throwing up due to eating too much food. Even though I was only eating 4-5 bites but at the time it was too much. I remember I was so excited to see food and the taste… oh goodness. If it tasted really good I shoved in as much as I could and it was too much. My body would tell me it was too much by throwing it up. I’ve only thrown up once in the last 2 weeks which is a good feeling. I’m finally getting the hang of when I am full and the flavors don’t hold me for ransom anymore. I enjoy the flavors and enjoy what I eat and that is it. I’m done. Sometimes I don’t enjoy it but know I have to eat.

I have noticed many changes in my body. My face is obviously smaller. I can’t notice much of a difference until I look at pictures to compare with and there is definitely a difference. My upper body is thining out. I have so many people tell me my shoulders and upper body are thin but I honestly don’t see that. My stomach though… I can see that. My skin is saggy, my stomach doesn’t protrude out as much and my pants are very big. I have a few pairs of jeans that I’m grateful I have hips because that is what keeps them from falling off. My hips have thinned out too I noticed there isn’t as much padding there (although there is still some everywhere, obviously). Even my legs are thinner and are getting that saggy skin. Saggy skin go away! I am working out which will help with my sagging skin and in about 50 pounds from now I have been thinking I will get a personal trainer to help me out. Oh yeah… another thing… my wedding ring barely fits… meaning it is falling off me. I have to be very careful with it. I am going to buy those ring adjusters so that I don’t have to continue to resize my wedding ring.

This time losing my weight versus last time feels a lot different. I don’t have the giddy feeling. I think that is a good thing though because it means my head is level and I’m not being over confident. I am proud of myself of course, but just not that peppy I’m on top of the world and I’m invincible feeling. I think that is what is needed in order to be successful. I’ve been told by many that once you become cocky you will start gaining weight. I have promised myself to not become that cocky person. I think I am much humbler than ever before. I also know I have a long road ahead of me still so I can’t get too excited quite yet. When I’m at goal I will party but until then I’m staying focused.

I’m including a picture of myself. I’m now at 60 pounds gone since surgery and 137 pound gone total. Those numbers are staggering. I guess I really can do this! I am doing it! This doesn't stop today. This is to be continued....

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