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Weighty Struggles

Posted May 28 2009 12:18am
I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted. I'm kind of just hanging in there at the moment and struggling big time with my weight! I went to dinner with a friend and gained 4 pounds the next day. I felt pretty defeated that one meal could do me in so badly. Before weigh in time the next week, I sat attended a two day conference where it might as well have been raining food. My resistance was "nil" as I noticed my mood was such that I felt deprived if I tried to resist. The week that followed wasn't any better. Needless to say, to keep myself from getting down about the current struggles, I have weighed the last two weeks with my back to the scale, so I don't have to face up to where it is! I've not allowed my consultant to tell me where it is, but she did tell me it's not as bad as I think it is! I'll hold onto that!

One of my struggle occurs because of the realization that my whole life will be a constant effort to be vigilant. With a little body, it gains weight soooooo easily. Heck, I can tell by how easy it is to live in the body, it doesn't take so many calories to operate it. I'm not lugging around that extra 224 lbs every moment of the day. So it shouldn't be a surprise, or difficult for me to wrap my mind around the "eternal vigilance" concept in terms of my daily caloric intake. My only chance to get the upper hand, in times when I'm struggling to make the best choices, is to increase the activity and really exercise. I've not been doing well on that lately.

Next week I leave town for about six days to go to Anaheim for Cochlear Celebration. I'm really excited about the trip, but a little stressed that I'm starting the trip with the weight struggles currently not being handled well. I think I've forgotten the lessons I've been learning about living in the now, and allowed myself to be weighed down by the concern over the food challenges ahead.

I do keep telling myself not to get down about the fact that this is a life-long effort, and to be so grateful that at least I'm battling the weight ups and downs from this end of the scale, rather than from the top end of the scale some 224 lbs ago. When I reached the new weight loss number a few weeks ago, I had hoped to lost about 3.9 more lbs before I left for Anaheim. Why? Because I'd be out of the 160s and into the 150s. The 150s was where my goal weight was situated. Unfortunately, that isn't happening, so I'm trying to make peace with where I am now and be positive.

I guess the good news is that I am at least trying to take some action. I'm currently doing some research of different gyms, trying to find something good enough that I will keep going after I start! I find that it's pretty difficult to force myself on my treadmill these days, as I just hate it at times. When I return (just before April Fools day), I hope I will have made up my mind regarding the best gym choice and be motivated and ready to hit the ground running!

I'm grateful that I do have some fun ahead of me. First I have the Anaheim convention and all the fun that entails. A couple of weeks later I have another shorter trip planned in St. George area with one of my best friends, during the week that I have off for Spring Vacation from school. There really IS lots to look forward to. Here's to reminding myself to live in the "NOW again, enjoy my moments now, as well as continue to be excited for all the fun ahead. I'll make it a goal to look for opportunities to be active during the vacations and not let myself get bogged down feeling the stress of the food choices not being so perfect!! :)

Don't expect much posting between now and the first of April! I've got a busy week ahead of me until I leave, and then I'm off!!!! Toodle-ooo! Here's wishing you all a good week ahead and success in overcoming all your own struggles!
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