I am a self-admitted scale junky. Not a day goes by where I don’t get on the scale first thing in the morning to see where the numbers are. Lately, I haven’t been too impressed with those numbers, as I’ve been struggling a little to stay on the right track with food. My birthday was last week so that killed part of that; I pulled it back together at the end of the week and then, last night? Barbecue. Ah well, I had a good day up until barbecue. And when the kiddos went for ice cream at Friendly’s for dessert, I declined. A win in my book!
But as I was saying… I weigh in every day. At least I did weigh in every day until the battery died in my scale last week. Now I can step on the scale if I want to, but it doesn’t show me anything. Instead I get to make up the numbers in my head.
At first, this was really uncomfortable. My scale and I? We have a serious committed relationship. How am I supposed to measure my progress without the scale? But then around day 3 (because I kept forgetting to get batteries), I realized that maybe not having the scale wasn’t such a bad thing. I haven’t been on my best eating behavior, but scale or no scale, that’s just the way it’s been. And sometimes when I am on my best eating behavior, the scale doesn’t show me any love, which I will admit, can cause me to sabotage my diet because I get frustrated. Intellectually I know the reasons for scale fluctuations, but I’m not always that rational.
While watching what I eat has been erratic at best, I have become consistent again with the workouts. There’s a race in six weeks hanging over my head, propelling me out the door. Plus it’s fun to be outdoors at this time of year.
I did get batteries for the scale about three days ago, but I haven’t put them in yet. I may even go another three days before I do. I’m enjoying the break from worrying about what I weigh. This journey wasn’t supposed to be about that anyway. It was about getting fit. And as long as I’m moving, I’m doing that.
This journey has also been about building a healthy relationship with food, which is much trickier than the getting fit part. I want there to be more times when I can turn down ice cream and not feel a pang of deprivation. I want to eat when I’m hungry, not when I’m having an emotional fit. I want to reach for healthier foods because I want them, not because it’s what I’m supposed to eat. I want to enjoy an occasional brownie without it triggering the desire to eat the whole pan. I know it is a long road ahead before I get to this point, if I ever do. At this point, I at least have more control over what I put in my mouth most of the time.
I wonder if the scale makes the food struggles easier or worse? I know there are definitely mental triggers I associate with the numbers that show up in the little digital LED.
When the numbers go down quickly, I tend to think, hey, I can eat now! And then I treat myself.
When the numbers go up, I tend to think why bother with the calorie counting and the tracking. It’s not working anyway. And then I soothe myself.
Maybe not having the scale operational is a good thing. Maybe it’s not. I am going to give it a couple more days though before I put the batteries in. And if I find, when I start weighing in again that it stresses me out again, maybe I’ll take them out. The vacation from the numbers has been kinda nice.