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Wanting to be normal again

Posted Jul 15 2011 2:25pm
I'm feeling pretty good emotionally today.  The left arm is still swelled but the fingers are feeling less numb so I guess that's a good sign.  I keep hoping each morning I'll wake up and see the hand/arm smaller but so far it hasn't happened.  I have 3 ace bandages around it over the compression suit still which I do think is helping to keep the swelling from getting any worse. 

My weight is up several more lbs over night so I know I'm holding more fluid.  I think it's because I didn't drink enough yesterday.  I'm just so swelled I feel so uncomfortable.  I'm swelled all over other than the right arm is normal size thankfully so I can use it. Around my stomach is very swelled and uncomfortable.  I have 2 lower compression suits and 2 upper ones but the one lower one is much tighter than the other so I really can't hardly wear it. 

Mike sent me flowers today.  The kids helped me clip them and put them in the vase, they are so pretty.  I was stressing over money yesterday so I really tried not to worry over how much they cost.  He's so sweet to me with flowers and cards and things.  The poor man needs some gifts for himself I feel bad I can't even fix him dinner at night. 

I'm glad it's Friday though and we will get to spend the weekend together and he will get some rest from work.  I've missed having him here with me.  He's so tired in the evenings too so I'm glad we have nothing planned this weekend and the shed roof is finally done so he doesn't have that hanging over his head.  Maybe we can find some time to just sit out on the porch together.

I'm sleeping 6-8 hours every night which is good.  It's still broken sleep but at least I am able to go back to sleep most nights quickly.  I am back and forth from the bed still not able to sleep in the bed more than a few hours at a time but I keep trying because I miss being with Mike and sleeping laying down.  Having my arms raised all the time my poor shoulders are killing me especially my bum one.

I plan on trying to shower tonight.  I'm scared about it.  With all the blood blisters and all the tape they have on me I'm nervous about stuff coming loose or something getting infected but I do so badly want a shower though being honest I don't think I can wash my own hair and my arms get tired so easy.  I guess I'll think about it some more, maybe would be better to wait till tomorrow after Mike's had a good nights sleep so he can just have a few beers tonight and relax.  

Mike and I talked yesterday about Kevin's graduation.  It's 3 weeks from today and being honest with myself I just don't know that I will be in any shape for a 28 hour car ride over a long weekend.  I think most likely Mike will just make the trip by plane on his own.  It will break my heart but from the sound of it Kevin will be heading off to school the next day anyway so he will only have a few hours with Mike if he's lucky.  I got another letter from him yesterday.  He said he tried calling on July 6th (day after surgery) like 6 times and we didn't answer.  I wish he had called Mike's cell number maybe he didn't remember the number.  So I wrote him another letter and told him to just call Mike's cell if no one answers at the house.  We were at the hotel on the 6th so that's why he didn't get us.  I really hope we get to talk to him soon.  Parts of his letter I don't understand when he talks about graduation.   I feel so stressed about it all.  It sounds like he's doing fine at boot camp though and is at the top of the group physically and academically.  

I just want to feel normal again.  I just want to get back to regular life.  I just feel so nervous about this darn arm.  I just wish the swelling would go down and it would heal.  I can tell it's getting a bit better since I can type a little with it now but it still has a long way to go.  I need to drink more fluids.  I miss drinking hot tea but just can't really hold a hot cup and drinking hot tea from a straw just doesn't sound good to me.  Maybe in another week I'll be more normal, I sure hope so.  

Till next time...
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