I have recently realized that I have not only let myself go... but I have let everything go. I cannot remember a time in my adult life when I allowed my house to be a disaster ALL THE TIME!! Granted.. I have 4 boys... but for the most part I have always cleaned my house on a daily basis. I strongly dislike the place I live... and I use it as an excuse to let it look like a shit hole... and it's driving me insane. It's hard to look around and realize that in a house of 6 people.. I'm the ONLY one who GIVES A SHIT! The whole thing translates to me being the only one who has any desire or sense of responsibilty to NOT live in a shit whole... it's overwhelming.. I'm really mad. I am tired. Tired of being unhealthy.... tired of being ashamed when my boys open the front door and their is a stranger on my porch. Tired of walking in the house and walking past something that surely needs to be picked up. Tired of everything. It's 5:15 in the morning and I'm getting ready for spin class. I'm done not caring anymore! I just hope caring doesn't kill me.