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Posted Jul 18 2011 7:16am
I have recently realized that I have not only let myself go... but I have let everything go.  I cannot remember a time in my adult life when I allowed my house to be a disaster ALL THE TIME!!  Granted.. I have 4 boys... but for the most part I have always cleaned my house on a daily basis.  I strongly dislike the place I live... and I use it as an excuse to let it look like a shit hole... and it's driving me insane. 
It's hard to look around and realize that in a house of 6 people.. I'm the ONLY one who GIVES A SHIT!  The whole thing translates to me being the only one who has any desire or sense of responsibilty to NOT live in a shit whole... it's overwhelming.. I'm really mad.  I am tired.  Tired of being unhealthy.... tired of being ashamed when my boys open the front door and their is a stranger on my porch.  Tired of walking in the house and walking past something that surely needs to be picked up.  Tired of everything. 
It's 5:15 in the morning and I'm getting ready for spin class.  I'm done not caring anymore!  I just hope caring doesn't kill me.
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