Reflections on a Year Out
A year ago today, I was just undergoing my surgery. Frustated with hitting my highest weight of 288, I finally had the realization that I needed HELP or I was plain old going to eat myself to health problems or to...death. I worried I'd have a heart attack like my mother did in 2004. I hated feeling lazy and frumpy all the time. I hated having limited energy with my students. I hate how I'd get out of breath doing an action song with my students. I hated how I'd come home from work and be so sore and tired that I could barely do a thing!
It's amazing how a year has changed me.
Like everyone else, I worried the night before that I would not have what it took to change my lifestyle. I worried that I'd miss food. I worried I'd regret everything. I worried that I'd plain old die and never wake up out of surgery. It was terrifying - it was surreal. I'd never even been in a hospital overnight before and there I was willing to undergo what is considered to be elective surgery. Certainly I hadn't been plagued by major health problems so I wondered if perhaps I was doing something that I had no business doing. I worried that I needed to just try one more time to lose weight "naturally". I went through the whole gamut of emotions just like everyones seems to do pre-op. I read the Memorials on the obesity help board and wondered if I'd be just another statistic..but of course, the fact that I'd carefully chosen my surgery and facility helped to calm down those feelings of pure terror. Although I might have not expressed the fears on my site, I had them too. They are only natural.
A year ago, I worked myself hard for 2 months and lost around 32 lbs for surgery. So when I went into surgery, I was fairly confident that I'd be able to have it laproscopically and I did. I weighed 256 on the day of surgery - and went up 11 pounds the next day to 267!The reality hit me the next few months as I adjusted my eating accordingly and realized that I was one of the slowest losers around!
I did not find post surgery life all that bad. I really did not struggle with the eating and drinking as much as most people although for the first few weeks I remember worrying incessantly because I wasn't even halfway to my protein and water needs. Eating and drinking was hard! I worried about the pouch. I worried it would burst inside of me if I drank too much. I worried that I'd never get the "full feeling". I worried about everything really! LOL! But I knew if I followed my eating plan I'd do well and I'd eventually start showing off the big numbers that others had lost on the scale. I stuck with it.
I dumped once early out and have only dumped again at goal last week! So I am not a big dumper over all. I hoped to dump although once I didn't seem to be a dumper, it really did not change all that much in the scheme of things except I have to work harder sometimes to refuse those sugary treats. You still need willpower as a post op. I still have not vomited once to this day. The only true "problem" I developed out early on was iron deficiency anemia which made me very tired and cold in the Fall, but after 6 months months out my body sorted out the problem basically and I have no more anemia.
Health and Psychological Changes:
-I'm very physically active, fit and healthy! There are many that have this surgery but aren't fit and active but I walk everywhere and for no reason half the time! I can easily walk 4-6 miles without a problem whether on the treadmill or outside. Before surgery, walking from the car to the store would tire me out. Stairs would just about kill me. Now I walk across the city just to do something. I often have the urge just to do something physical like go for a walk or ride a bike. It can drive me nuts just sitting all the time.
-My migraines have just about vanished. Before surgery, my migraines would be at least once or more a week, and I'd throw up incessantly at least once every couple of months from a really bad migraine. I have not had a migraine in the last year. I get headaches now and find that once tylenol typically does the trick.
-My back and knee problems have changes dramatically. I admit I had some issues in February with mid back pain (used to be lower back pain) but it is not a constant thing. No hip problems and knees don't bother me at all. My feet rarely bother me at all except when I take those killer long walks that I do across town.
-My bloodwork is excellent. No deficiencies at all - no required extra supplementation other than the typical multivitamins, calcium and b-12. I have only one abnormality in my bloodwork - my triglycerides are a little low. Imagine that! LOL!
-I have gone from a 26/28 pant size at my highest to 9/10. I have gone from a 4X shirt (sometimes 5X) to a medium/large. I have gone from a 9 1/4 ring size to a 7. I don't really notice a change in my feet. I am now a B cup from a DD. (nothing a good LaSenza ITec can't fix).
-I am more confident and assured of my body than I used to be although I still am much too introverted to my liking. Still not a huge risk taker and I wish I was. Still too worried about what other people think of me than I should be. I'm still quiet around people that I don't know.
Challenges:
-Getting your heard wrapped around the changes can be hard. I still often look in mirrors and feel "fat". While I am no longer the largest person in the room, I am also not the smallest. I'm normal but not teeny tiny. I don't feel the need to get to be superskinny or shop in the Juniors Department but it's still hard to get out of the "fat mindset". There is a teacher I work with who has had 3 kids and is a size O or 2. It's hard to not compare myself to people like this. I've worked so hard to be "normal" that it's hard not to want to go to the other extreme. I'm not allowing myself to become obsessed.
-Trying to figure out the balance for maintaining is going to be tricky. As long as I stay somewhere between 135 and 141 (the top of my range for my BMI) I'll be satisfied. The scale is not very forgiving right now so I'm finding it tricky to make sure to balance my eating with my exercise.
-I'm off of work for the summer and it's only been a week and I've been feeling very challenged. All I think about is food beause I'm not busy right now and am sitting around more than I'm used to. I'm used to the crazy schedule of a teacher and so it's a challenge right now not to be busy. I think next summer I will definitely get a summer job! LOL!
My follow up with Barix will be on the 23rd since Dr. Pop's schedule was full. I look forward to seeing if I've met his expectations.
Dawn
In Windsor? Want some WLS coffee talk? Go to this page: Windsor WLS Support
Reflections on a Year Out
A year ago today, I was just undergoing my surgery. Frustated with hitting my highest weight of 288, I finally had the realization that I needed HELP or I was plain old going to eat myself to health problems or to...death. I worried I'd have a heart attack like my mother did in 2004. I hated feeling lazy and frumpy all the time. I hated having limited energy with my students. I hate how I'd get out of breath doing an action song with my students. I hated how I'd come home from work and be so sore and tired that I could barely do a thing!
It's amazing how a year has changed me.
Like everyone else, I worried the night before that I would not have what it took to change my lifestyle. I worried that I'd miss food. I worried I'd regret everything. I worried that I'd plain old die and never wake up out of surgery. It was terrifying - it was surreal. I'd never even been in a hospital overnight before and there I was willing to undergo what is considered to be elective surgery. Certainly I hadn't been plagued by major health problems so I wondered if perhaps I was doing something that I had no business doing. I worried that I needed to just try one more time to lose weight "naturally". I went through the whole gamut of emotions just like everyones seems to do pre-op. I read the Memorials on the obesity help board and wondered if I'd be just another statistic..but of course, the fact that I'd carefully chosen my surgery and facility helped to calm down those feelings of pure terror. Although I might have not expressed the fears on my site, I had them too. They are only natural.
A year ago, I worked myself hard for 2 months and lost around 32 lbs for surgery. So when I went into surgery, I was fairly confident that I'd be able to have it laproscopically and I did. I weighed 256 on the day of surgery - and went up 11 pounds the next day to 267!The reality hit me the next few months as I adjusted my eating accordingly and realized that I was one of the slowest losers around!
I did not find post surgery life all that bad. I really did not struggle with the eating and drinking as much as most people although for the first few weeks I remember worrying incessantly because I wasn't even halfway to my protein and water needs. Eating and drinking was hard! I worried about the pouch. I worried it would burst inside of me if I drank too much. I worried that I'd never get the "full feeling". I worried about everything really! LOL! But I knew if I followed my eating plan I'd do well and I'd eventually start showing off the big numbers that others had lost on the scale. I stuck with it.
I dumped once early out and have only dumped again at goal last week! So I am not a big dumper over all. I hoped to dump although once I didn't seem to be a dumper, it really did not change all that much in the scheme of things except I have to work harder sometimes to refuse those sugary treats. You still need willpower as a post op. I still have not vomited once to this day. The only true "problem" I developed out early on was iron deficiency anemia which made me very tired and cold in the Fall, but after 6 months months out my body sorted out the problem basically and I have no more anemia.
Health and Psychological Changes:
-I'm very physically active, fit and healthy! There are many that have this surgery but aren't fit and active but I walk everywhere and for no reason half the time! I can easily walk 4-6 miles without a problem whether on the treadmill or outside. Before surgery, walking from the car to the store would tire me out. Stairs would just about kill me. Now I walk across the city just to do something. I often have the urge just to do something physical like go for a walk or ride a bike. It can drive me nuts just sitting all the time.
-My migraines have just about vanished. Before surgery, my migraines would be at least once or more a week, and I'd throw up incessantly at least once every couple of months from a really bad migraine. I have not had a migraine in the last year. I get headaches now and find that once tylenol typically does the trick.
-My back and knee problems have changes dramatically. I admit I had some issues in February with mid back pain (used to be lower back pain) but it is not a constant thing. No hip problems and knees don't bother me at all. My feet rarely bother me at all except when I take those killer long walks that I do across town.
-My bloodwork is excellent. No deficiencies at all - no required extra supplementation other than the typical multivitamins, calcium and b-12. I have only one abnormality in my bloodwork - my triglycerides are a little low. Imagine that! LOL!
-I have gone from a 26/28 pant size at my highest to 9/10. I have gone from a 4X shirt (sometimes 5X) to a medium/large. I have gone from a 9 1/4 ring size to a 7. I don't really notice a change in my feet. I am now a B cup from a DD. (nothing a good LaSenza ITec can't fix).
-I am more confident and assured of my body than I used to be although I still am much too introverted to my liking. Still not a huge risk taker and I wish I was. Still too worried about what other people think of me than I should be. I'm still quiet around people that I don't know.
Challenges:
-Getting your heard wrapped around the changes can be hard. I still often look in mirrors and feel "fat". While I am no longer the largest person in the room, I am also not the smallest. I'm normal but not teeny tiny. I don't feel the need to get to be superskinny or shop in the Juniors Department but it's still hard to get out of the "fat mindset". There is a teacher I work with who has had 3 kids and is a size O or 2. It's hard to not compare myself to people like this. I've worked so hard to be "normal" that it's hard not to want to go to the other extreme. I'm not allowing myself to become obsessed.
-Trying to figure out the balance for maintaining is going to be tricky. As long as I stay somewhere between 135 and 141 (the top of my range for my BMI) I'll be satisfied. The scale is not very forgiving right now so I'm finding it tricky to make sure to balance my eating with my exercise.
-I'm off of work for the summer and it's only been a week and I've been feeling very challenged. All I think about is food beause I'm not busy right now and am sitting around more than I'm used to. I'm used to the crazy schedule of a teacher and so it's a challenge right now not to be busy. I think next summer I will definitely get a summer job! LOL!
My follow up with Barix will be on the 23rd since Dr. Pop's schedule was full. I look forward to seeing if I've met his expectations.
Dawn
In Windsor? Want some WLS coffee talk? Go to this page: Windsor WLS Support