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The Past Month

Posted Mar 26 2011 1:17pm
Hey all, it has been a rough month in the Panda World. I've been dealing with an episode of depression that has been quite crippling in all aspects of my life. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I'll do the best I can.

My job has probably been the biggest reason why I've been so down. It all started with being pretty much demoted from a new position back to my original position without being given a fair chance. Not only did I begin to question my own abilities, but I realized that there was probably very limited potential for career growth at the company. Honestly though, I'm just tired of doing what I'm doing because it's extremely repetitive data entry work that is not rewarding at all.

I've begun looking for a new job, but I don't know if I'm looking in all the wrong places or what, but I have had very little luck finding anything that I would be qualified for that is remotely interesting to me. A big part of me feels like I need to go back to school to get a degree that is worth something (aka not liberal arts). I've been thinking about something in the medical field like nursing, but I am not sure if I am ready to take the plunge into more debt and three more years of schooling.

I feel kind of trapped right now, and man has it had a huge effect on my ability to function. Some days I can barely get out of bed and focusing at work has been a huge problem. There have been times where I wanted to just go into my boss' office and be like "I quit".

So how has all of this affected my ability to stay on track and "be healthy"? Well, it's been pretty disastrous. I haven't been to the gym in over two weeks, and I've been binging like crazy. I don't know how much I weigh right now and I really don't want to find out. All I know is that my clothes definitely feel tighter and that's frightening to me.

Anyway, that's how life has been. Being rationale when you are depressed is certainly difficult, but I'm trying to find my footing again. Honestly, I hate being this way around my friends and family because no one wants to associate themselves with someone who is constantly in a bad mood. It's hard trying to stay positive though when you aren't feeling that way. In fact, it can be downright exhausting.

I know I need to update this blog more. I feel a little better now =).
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