You know that classic image of the angel on one shoulder, devil on other, both whispering in the ear of some soul trying to make a decision? Well, I have a devil in my ear too, but he looks like
Ben Affleck.
See, Ben Affleck reminds me of every smart-ass, cocky, good-looking guy I knew in my life that would never give me a second look because of my weight.
Evil Ben is the culmination of the snide remarks, embarrassing moments and missed opportunities I've gone through because I was too fat.
He's still with me, too. Just yesterday I went into Dunkin' Donuts (I know, like an addict in a crack house, right?) - to get a nonfat iced latte. As I was standing there waiting for the kid behind the counter to make my drink, Evil Ben popped up and started in on me.
"You know that kid is thinking why the hell are you buying a NONFAT latte. Fatties don't get fat drinking NONFAT lattes." The good thing is I now have an angel on the other shoulder, decked out in pure white workout gear and sporting a reusable water bottle, who promptly told
Evil Ben to
SHUT UP! *I love her.*
Later, I was in a CPR class and we had to pair up and practice rolling over our partner as they pretend to lay unconscious on the floor.
Evil Ben cackled (sort of like the
Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Oz).
"Yeah, that chick is gonna roll YOU over - hah! You're going to have to perform CPR on HER if she tries!" Yeah,
Evil Ben is a prick.
My angel didn't say anything there - she's still learning the ropes, I guess. But, my CPR partner rolled me over just fine, I can now safe a life, and I will never see that girl again anyway, so who cares, right?
Its a process, but I'm working on getting
Evil Ben to hit the road for good. Maybe he can go make the sequel to
Gigli.
Disclaimer: I don't know Ben Affleck. He's probably a nice guy, so don't take what I say as fact. Its just the way my slightly warped mind and sense of humor work. And, I don't want to get sued. Thanks.
You know that classic image of the angel on one shoulder, devil on other, both whispering in the ear of some soul trying to make a decision? Well, I have a devil in my ear too, but he looks like Ben Affleck.
See, Ben Affleck reminds me of every smart-ass, cocky, good-looking guy I knew in my life that would never give me a second look because of my weight. Evil Ben is the culmination of the snide remarks, embarrassing moments and missed opportunities I've gone through because I was too fat.
He's still with me, too. Just yesterday I went into Dunkin' Donuts (I know, like an addict in a crack house, right?) - to get a nonfat iced latte. As I was standing there waiting for the kid behind the counter to make my drink, Evil Ben popped up and started in on me.
"You know that kid is thinking why the hell are you buying a NONFAT latte. Fatties don't get fat drinking NONFAT lattes."
The good thing is I now have an angel on the other shoulder, decked out in pure white workout gear and sporting a reusable water bottle, who promptly told Evil Ben to SHUT UP!
*I love her.*
Later, I was in a CPR class and we had to pair up and practice rolling over our partner as they pretend to lay unconscious on the floor. Evil Ben cackled (sort of like the Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Oz).
"Yeah, that chick is gonna roll YOU over - hah! You're going to have to perform CPR on HER if she tries!"
Yeah, Evil Ben is a prick.
My angel didn't say anything there - she's still learning the ropes, I guess. But, my CPR partner rolled me over just fine, I can now safe a life, and I will never see that girl again anyway, so who cares, right?
Its a process, but I'm working on getting Evil Ben to hit the road for good. Maybe he can go make the sequel to Gigli.
Disclaimer: I don't know Ben Affleck. He's probably a nice guy, so don't take what I say as fact. Its just the way my slightly warped mind and sense of humor work. And, I don't want to get sued. Thanks.