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The Desire to Change

Posted Nov 27 2010 12:00am
Let's be honest here.

People who lack self-esteem are unattractive. Period.

Who wants to be with a person that is constantly doubting himself and has no backbone whatsoever?

No one.

I'm tired of being that negative person who has a pity party every day because I just cannot for the life of me have any confidence in myself.

I have fucking lost 130 pounds, and I still doubt myself every single day. And it sucks. I hate it. I hate that I cannot believe in myself. And I know that it sounds corny, but that's just how it is. I want to be happy with what I've accomplished and proud of myself, but there's always that seed of doubt in the back of my mind that grabs a hold of me daily.

I'm always making jokes about myself; about how disgusting my loose skin is; about how I just suck at life in general; about how I am not attractive, and how retarded I am. It's sick and twisted. Because while I may be laughing on the outside, it's just further reinforcing my perception of myself.

I need to overhaul my mindset. Completely. I am worth it and I know that I am a fucking superstar.
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