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Ten Reasons Why Your Fat Ass is Still a Fat Ass

Posted Apr 03 2010 12:00am
1) You sit on your fat ass watching The Biggest Loser instead of moving your fat ass. 

2) You order pizza for the kids, but end up eating some of the leftovers for dinner while you watch The Biggest Loser. Thus, your fat ass becomes an even fatter ass. 

3) You believe that watching people do stupid-ass exercises on television will somehow make you skinnier. WRONG! Congratulations! Your ass is still a fat ass! 

4) You get teary-eyed and naturally make your bowl of 99% fat-free popcorn saltier while watching the fat mom on television confess how helpful Jillian has been. Your ass hasn't shrunk at all, has it?

5) You actually believe anything that Jillian says. Your ass is still fat? Lol, no way!

6) You go to the grocery store after wasting two hours of your life that you can't get back, and buy a pack of sugar-free gum because apparently it makes you less hungry according to Bob! Fat ass.

7) While at the grocery store, you see a huge poster-board cutout of Jillian advertising her new fat burner because she cares about you and your weight loss goals. You buy the fat burner because you believe that Jillian's word is the word of God. Your ass ain't getting any smaller.

8) While unloading your groceries into your car, Jillian suddenly appears and gives you a swift kick in the balls. Something is smaller now, but it's probably not your ass!

9) You and your significant other try to make babies before going to bed, but your stomach is still bloated from all the pizza and popcorn you ate while watching The Biggest Loser, so you call it quits before you can make use of those new shiny cuffs that you bought last weekend.

10) You wake up in the morning and decide to do one of Jillian's kettlebell workouts, but end up hurting yourself and going to the hospital because Jillian has no idea WTF she is doing! What's more miserable than having a fat ass at home? Having a fat ass in the infirmary!

God, I have way too much time on my hands. And, yeah, I love The Biggest Loser. /sarcasm. 
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