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Talking the talk and walking the walk

Posted Mar 04 2011 2:21pm
I've talked the talk and walked the walk for 3 1/2 yrs now. Have I talked and not walked at the same time, yep I sure have. I read several blogs today that spoke to me loud and clear. I also had a few email exchanges yesterday that shouted out my name lol. What I came up with today was I've let myself slide. I've given myself permission to indulge out of whatever emotions I've been having the past 7 weeks since surgery.

Sure I've gotten my butt back in the gym and I am working hard each day in that area to get back to the old me. But the mind part has slid way off and I need to start focusing on that more. I just wrote the other day about my focus needing to be on better nutrition and eating within my calorie range or less. I was wanting that to be true so I hoped writing it would make it so. But words are just that, words, we need to take action to make real change.

With losing 200 lbs and writing a blog kind of comes somewhat of a responsibility. Sure a responsibility to be honest with myself since this blog is for me, about me. But it also puts some pressure on me at times to hide the full truth. At times I will just say "I've had a few days of eating poorly" or something similar to that and I leave it at that. I don't confess to going to the grocery store and deliberately buying a half gallon of ice cream. For the record, I do that on kid Birthdays sometimes so it has happened. But to actually go buy ice cream for MYSELF is pretty damn scary in my world. That's what I did last week. Sure I shared it with the whole family so I only got 2 cones out of it. But it's still not something I should do EVER.

This week I DELIBERATELY went and bought a slice of cheesecake and a huge macaroon and split it with Marie and that was after having a big meal. Then lets look at the bags of "dark" (like that makes it ok) chocolate m & m's I've bought in the past 7 weeks, 3 of them and I'm not talking the single serving size but the 5 serving bag. Sure I shared them but still I'm sure out of the 15 servings bought I ate 7 or 8 myself. Truthfully I don't even like m & m's that much.

In my past it was nothing to eat lots of this stuff day after day, week after week. But when I started this journey in July 07 the thing that was first off my list and something I had to be tough with was sweets, ALL SWEETS. I did that faithfully for probably a good 6 months. Then I set rules for myself like about the candy bowl at work. As you have seen in the past I've had to rework my rules because I've allowed myself to get around them. For the record I haven't had a piece of candy out of the candy bowl here since August. But the mind of an addict works around things like that. As I have found with myself time and time again.

So as of yesterday I am off sweets. Right now I have a bet going with a friend that will last 30 days. You say why bet? Well that just works for me and this is about what works for each of us. I don't even have a prize in mind yet but I do know I WILL NOT EAT SWEETS FOR 30 DAYS!!!

This is how I lost 200 lbs, by setting rules for myself and believing and knowing I was going to succeed. Did I fall on my face a few times, make promises to myself that I didn't keep, sure. But some things I just knew I couldn't mess around with. For me it's sweets, it's about knowing those triggers and throwing them out of your life. Does it mean it has to be forever, no it doesn't. But it does have to be for a time period till you find your way again. I read this in the email from that friend yesterday. About when we are down it's when we have to be the strongest for ourselves. Thanks my friend I appreciated those words greatly.

So for those that feel down and out and keep promising yourselves tomorrow, don't wait, do it now, right this minute. Don't put another trigger food in your mouth again until you know you are as strong as steel to handle it which could be in a month, or it might be never. You know you best so start doing the right thing for yourself RIGHT THIS MINUTE because YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

Till next time...
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