Spiritual Awakening and what am I going to do with it?
Posted Oct 08 2009 10:02pm
Growth, yes I'm growing in all ways; spiritually, weight wise and in family size. NO I'm not pregnant, but we have a new puppy, a beautiful miniature dachshund and his name is Harley.
Yesterday was a turning point for me since I"ve relapsed on my health plan. You see I bought a cake, a Sara Lee Vanilla Bean Cake and I ate the whole thing in 2 sittings. But the thing that shook me up the most was the craving that I had, it reminded me of when I used to drink (going on 10 years sobriety this November) the urge to eat that cake and everything else was unimportant. It was scary, it reminded me of an article I read about Transference of Addictions. Now I can say that's what I did, I think I never wanted to admit it because it sort of represents that I failed. I mean I have close to 10 years sobriety and yet if I"m transferring my addiction I haven't healed at all or I"m not dealing with the real issues at hand. What are they? I don't know. Am I working the 12 steps like I should? I believe I have to speak to my sponsor about this so I can get back on track. Come to think of it I must take away my original comment above about growing spiritually, I can't possibly be growing spiritually if I'm transferring my addiction. Sheesh I'm coming clean with myself aren't I? I think this is what they mean by having a spiritual awakening because something clicked inside of me when I woke up and when I decided to share this with my Sassle world.
The questions are the same though, what will I do with this "knowledge" and why am I still struggling even though I'm "working" a 12 step program. What am I missing? What have I not worked on?
Sorry for the confused writing, I'm all over the place with this as my mind is full of clutter.