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Sometimes I hate...

Posted Jun 11 2008 12:00am
this hotel I stay in when I travel here to Rochester, NY. I love the people, the amenities , everything... EXCEPT the floor to ceiling mirrors that cover the closet doors off to the side of the bed!! SERIOUSLY!!

I have to look at myself when I am sitting in bed watching TV... and ok... let's speak plainly... I know I am not the tiniest woman... but 90% of the time I do a really good job of loving who I am... loving my curves, loving my cleavage, loving who I am on the outside even as I work to change it for my health....

Then there are the days I sit in this hotel, in jammies, no make-up, hair flopped from the shower and I see that "FAT GIRL" in the mirror... and I hear my Dad's voice telling me "you are a beautiful person... on the INSIDE." and how when I replied that I wanted a man who would love me for me said "well I am not that man"... or my former pastor who told me that I would "never meet a man who would want to be with me if I didn't loose some weight" (Boy- I would hate to admit how many men I have in my life right now who would LOVE to get in my pants! LOL But THAT is for another blog! )

I NEED to fight those voices, fight the pain that hearing them again brings to my heart, fight the fear that I will never be as healthy or let's admit- as CUTE as I want to be... that I am doomed ... and ya know what? I CAN! I WILL FIGHT! THEY are wrong. They might be the men I had most respected in life... but they are just men... they hurt me, but people make mistakes and I AM fabulous and gorgeous... even if I am the big girl!

I did not post this to get sympathy or anything... just to remind myself... who I WAS, where I have come from and how far I have come... even if I still have a ways to go!

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