I write because I cannot sleep, I am one of those people that when I'm tired I must go to sleep right away, no lallygagging, no talking, nothing, I must get to sleep if not my brain starts working, the Ego starts talking and all hell breaks loose. I'm not only awake but I'm either suffering a panic attack about my health or I'm thinking about work, hubby, the cats, the horses (do you think they're cold) it's just not good.
I was rather pleased to see some people read the Exsay post and leave behind a comment or two, I didn't know what to expect, I thought perhaps I put people off, maybe I did but some agree it's an important topic, we as obese or formally obese women have different issues then the average weight woman (not skinny, average weight).
Now on to the reason I started writing this post, I have lost 0 pounds as of today, I have not gained which is rather good and the positive changes I have started to make which I'm sure will show up on the scale in due time are minor but positive. I stopped eating anything with sugar after 6:00pm, that change alone has helped me immensely with the anxiety/panic attacks.
Sugar seems to inspire me to not only climb the walls but fuels the Ego into thinking all sorts of things concerning my health. When I eat high doses of sugar which can consist of ice cream sundae with the works I swear to you I can almost feel it surge through my blood. I don't like that feeling, it reminds me of when I had my gallbladder surgery years ago and they gave me morphine for the pain, I felt it go through my blood and that's how sugar is starting to feel for me.
I cut my nighttime snacking into half, which means after dinner I don't snack half the time and when I do, it might be a bowl of Cheerios or a P/B & J sandwich which again is so much better then what I used to do. Hubby and I used to make pancakes or french toast with tons of butter and syrup.
Which reminds me there is no more butter in my home, after my mother-in-law had a heart attack and she confessed that she ate tons of butter on everything we decided to cut it right out, we now use Promise® Buttery Spread now it doesn't taste the same as butter but the damage butter does is no longer worth it for me. Sometimes I don't use any spread, hubby has been known to put mayo/salad dressing on bread instead of butter but I don't know how good that is.
So, even though I'm not on a diet right now (such a dirty word diet is) I'm feeling good, I'm feeling as though I'm headed in the right direction. If I could just stop my occasional panic attacks about my health I think all will be well in the end. I'm feeling closer to actually wanting it for myself, not for hubby but for me. The New Year promises lots of travel for me, visiting my parents for a month and having my in-laws here for a month so I want to feel good and confident when these two visits occur.