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Social phobias

Posted Feb 21 2009 11:38pm
Why do I have such issues interacting with people? It's like I become a bumbling idiot sometimes for no reason. An example: This morning I packaged up a bunch of stuff for my niece. She joined the Navy a few months ago and is in boot camp. Yesterday I spend time making her protein bars, brownies and also got her some store bought protein bars. So I package everything up, type up a 2 page letter and tape it all up in a box. Then I head to the post office. Now here's where it goes soooo wrong. I can feel myself overwhelmed with anxiety just entering the post office. What the heck is this about. Then I'm at the desk in front of an older woman asking me how she can help me. So I give her the package and she rambles off her stuff about is the package blah blah or blah and before I know it she's stamping perishable all over the box. I'm mortified and so upset at this point I'm not sure what to do. The smart thing would have been to take my box back, take it back to work, repackage it and take it back to the post office and keep my big mouth shut. But instead I just stand there like an idiot telling her now the package might not go through as my niece is not allowed to receive food items. Sigh. Instead I just let her take my package that now may end up with everything inside in the trash. This isn't my first dumber than dumb moment at the post office. I'm not sure why I continue to let a simple trip to the post office stress me out. It's like I feel like a criminal or something when I mail off a package lol. What the heck is this about?

Anyway, now I will beat myself up all day about this and maybe several days from here on. I just don't understand myself. My social anxiety is so irrational. It makes no sense to me. I'm thinner now, pretty normal looking yet I seem to act like I weigh 500 lbs whereever I go. I can't think of any other reason why I act like I act when I go somewhere and have to speak with strangers. I'm this way in a grocery store, a gas station, wherever. Maybe it's not related to my weight just a separate social phobia I don't know for sure. I'll have to talk about it next week with my therapist and see what he thinks. Next weeks session is definitely going to be interesting.

Well I didn't keep to my "don't weigh myself" rule either. I snuck a peek this morning and it said a 6 lb gain, what the heck. I just don't get the scale at all. Maybe it's unrewarding me for my weeks of not eating right. I didn't eat perfect this weekend but I sure didn't eat 6 lbs extra worth of food either. Maybe it's sodium since I didn't drink my water like I had been. So this morning I've been back to drinking lots of water again. Hopefully that will help. I have to stay the heck off the scale too. It does nothing for me but stress me out.

Note: I had to come back to lecture myself about the scale thing. I can't tell you how many times I've posted to other people's blog telling them a 6 lb gain in 2 days isn't possible unless they are eating crazy amounts of food. So of course my weight gain is sodium/water. I've already had 1/2 a gallon of water so far and will have another 1/2 gallon by the end of the day and will do that again tomorrow and Wednesday. So that when I get on the scale Wednesday night it will reflect my true weight for the week.

Well it's lunch time so I better go.

Till tomorrow...
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