Ok, I never came back and did what I said I was going to do. SHOCKER. I just got way too depressed. I've lost all control. I weigh more than I ever have in my entire life.

I went a whole day without my pants buttoned up. Not because I felt like this would be a new fashion statement, but because none of my pants will button. NONE OF THEM. There is nothing quite like crying at 7am...

I'm so lost and don't know what to do with myself any more. I will spend one day so motivated, and then by the next day, I'm drained. I'm back to hating myself with every breath I take. I know that sounds extreme, but when your breathing is hard, because of your weight, you'll know what I mean by that.

I just ... don't know what to do with myself any more.