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Posted Jan 23 2010 11:40am
Hey guys

I'm on a self-imposed hiatus today!! I'm not going to leave bed...unless its absolutely necessary.  I am going to lie in bed and relax ALL DAY! I have been burning the candle at both ends for too long.  I just want to do NOTHING.  I mean..I'll probably do a little marking and planning for schoolbut the main goal of the day is to watch TVsleep and surf the net. I am tiredtiredtired! My bf already went grocery shopping and is going to make lunch soon. He is a total cutie.  I think he understands though how badly I just need to stop everything.  You know I'm all about organizationbut I'm not doing any food prepcooking...NOTHING all day.  This is my 'get back to me' day.

I think I also need to calm downbecause I have started to obsess a little about the weight loss.  This is because I have a REAL goal.  Not just a...oh I'd like to be this much by this time goal...AN ACTUAL DATE.  I am just trying to take a deep breath and say...relax! You look good now.  If you were to get married today you'd still look great.  So...I am trying to get rid of this self-imposed pressure with some self-imposed rest. I think all the planning has sent me into this crazy whirlwind that I just need to stop...hence again...restrest,rest.

Every Friday at school someone makes breakfast for everyone.  Yesterday it was bacon sandwiches YUM! The person also made turkey bacon so as a treat for myself I had a turkey bacon sandwich. I skipped all the mayothe treats....I had one slice of whole wheat bread and in the end had the same points value as my usual oatmeal breakfast. may have been the same points value but it sure as hell wasn't the same fullness factor.  I was starving all afternoon!! The amount of food that usually sustains me just wasn't enough I've said this before.  Hell...oatmeal is a MIRACLE food...if you haven't tried it yetwhat are you waiting for.

Last nightI ended up going for Indian food at the last minute with a friend who happened to be in town.  You know how that went...BADLY!!! It wasn't just coz I was hungry...I ate till I was Full and waaaay beyond.  I know some of you read this and're too hard on yourself...relax etc etc.  I'm not obsessed with thisbut it does bother me.  Let's be realistic..its not normal to PURPOSELY overeat and I need to sort this out.  It's not normal to feel full but to still eat.  You know...its not even about the weight thing anymoreI just want to have a healthy relationship with food.  I woke up feeling ill last night which is such a HUGE contrast to how I felt the night I did Bootycamp!  Why would I choose to feel so ill? What the hell is wrong with me?  On a bright note....I've made HUGE progress this past year...

  • My out of control eating binges are usually only 1-2 days as opposed to weeks before
  • I'm able to get back on track the next day...(This is HUGE)
  • I don't obsess about food quite as much as before...but I mean I still do
  • I don't look at situations like going to the movies etc as an excuse to overeat as much as possible.

YAY....those were major steps...but now I need to finish it. sounds like I'm mental lol....I'm notI'm just I dunno a little weird when it comes to food...and not always...just now and then.  I've made amazing progressbut in order to move further. I need to get this done.  Surely there is someone out there who understands what I'm talk about. Right? lol

Today I'm going to start reading this book....'The end of Overeating." 
I think I'm a bit stuck and in order to move on I need some clarity...if that makes sense. I need to get why the hell I sabotage myself sometimes. Lately more than usual!

I'll let you know how it per usual :)

PS. I'm totally back on track today. The old me would have let last night affect me for days....weeks even. It would have started a downward spiral. Anyway...It's good to knowI've moved on SO much from that. YAY for that. Progress....progressprogress.

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