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Panic panic......

Posted Jun 19 2009 5:41pm
I had a real panic moment yesterday and earlier today. I'm doing really well sticking to my diet, getting exercise and losing weight. So, what have I got to panic about, I hear you ask? Well, I'm stalling as I think of a way to say this, because I know it sounds so stupid.......... I've been panicking about the fact that it might all go pear-shaped, that I might fail. I suppose it's because I am getting close to the most amount of weight (four stones) I have ever lost, and once I get beyond that I'm in a place I've never been before. On so many occasions in the past I have done well, stuck to a diet, lost weight, done loads of exercise....... and then something has gone wrong and I've put it all back on again (and more). I regard this, the band, as my last chance saloon to make a massive change in my body and my life forever. That means there's a lot more riding on it, in a way, than there ever has before. I cannot fail. This cannot fail.

I suppose I have a fear that while I am jogging along really nicely now, I am somehow lulled into a false sense of security, because it can so easily go very wrong, very quickly. I keep on reminding my husband also not to be lulled into a false sense of security, but to keep asking me how it's going, look at what I'm eating, encourage me to go out walking and generally keep a close eye on me.

I don't think that watching that TV programme last night helped either (Extreme Slimmers - see yesterday's post) - it re-ignited a whole load of fears about what my body will look like when I've lost a lot more weight.

Anyway, for now, until anything else changes, I am going to keep on going on in the best way that I can. I have a support group meeting on Saturday and my first fill on Monday which will both help to encourage and reassure me. I need to keep just putting one foot in front of the other, take one day at a time - and all the other cliches! By taking one day at a time I will be taking my eyes off the future and taking a whole load of self-inflicted pressure off my shoulders.
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