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Old habits never die

Posted Jan 06 2010 6:34pm
Yesterday I was feeling pretty good. We had the presentation from the owner at work and it was very motivating and made me feel much better about my work situation. Then when I got home we had a guy come look at the cottage and I was hopeful he wanted the place. After that we all went out to dinner. Then we came back and dropped the kids off and headed to the gym. I got in my 2 hours and I was feeling really good.

Today at work was fine. I actually had a great moment when a few of the co-workers and I decided to weigh on a scale one of them had and I weighed in 3 lbs less than one of them and only 4.5 lbs more than the other. It made me realize I really am in the typical range now.

But then I came home and Mike said the guy had called and said he was looking at a few other places. So I was kind of disappointed. We had another person come but she definitely wasn't our cup of tea.

Then we headed to TOPS. Well I was totally bummed when I got on the scale and saw a 1.6 lb gain when just this morning I was down on the scale. I was totally bummed when I felt like other than New Year's Eve I had eaten and exercised this week just as well as I had the past 4 weeks of good loses. I know for me how much stress I have affects the scale and I'm hopeful if I can just hold it together next week will be a good one.

It was a really good meeting. We talked about goals and positive self talk and though there were only 7 of us I felt like I might have helped a few of them. I still have my own goals to write though.

After coming home I kind of fell apart mentally. I'm not even really sure what had me acting this way. I started off with dinner (430) but then I still found myself wanting to eat. So I had some Greek yogurt and fruit with some nuts (250). Then I found myself going back into the kitchen and making a rice cake with peanut butter and a few raisins (160). I went back yet again and had a few crackers with cheese (250). So in the span of 2 hours I have packed in 1090 calories. I haven't done this kind of eating in an evening in a really long time. It doesn't feel good to see how I can let myself fall back into old habits.

I hate writing posts like this but I know no matter how long I'm into this journey I will have days like this. It is just life and it is how things go when I let doubt and frustration creep into my thinking. Funny that it comes on the night I do a meeting on setting goals for myself and positive self talk. Must be that little inner brat wanting to have a fight.

I'm sitting here watching my taped biggest loser with tears rolling down my face for the 2 teams that had to leave before they even got in the house hardly. It just seems every time I watch this show I end up blubbering over it lol. But it really does hit me in the heart knowing that use to be me. I know one night of eating to many calories isn't going to bring back the weight I've lost but I'd still like to kick my own butt sometimes for my actions lol.

Well here's to a good day tomorrow. Maybe I will wake up and the scale will look sunny again.

Till tomorrow...
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