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Odds and Ends - Blogger Catchup Time

Posted Jun 09 2013 12:17am

Asshole+merit+badge I have all these funny little anecdotes that I've been banking in the annals of my mind that I figured I'd purge all over you nice people.

I really love hockey --  it's the most loved sport in my family -- but this year, even more so than last year when my team won the cup, I got REALLY obsessed. It may have something to do with my current job, which gives me more access to the team, but there's been a lot of yelling at the television in my home this post season. I'm not saying that as a bad thing. I'm just sharing. I think I am best left alone when I watch games, is the point. (When the Kings got ousted from the post-season, I actually teared up. But the wine probably didn't help.)

Last week, I got recognized at the supermarket. I was at Gelson's, partaking in their lovely salad bar, and a girl about my age and size was staring at me. I noticed her quickly because I liked her cardigan. I bumped into her in two more aisles before I finally just said "I'm sorry, do we know each other?" She replied "I think I read your blog." I thanked her profusely and told her I liked her sweater and still feel slightly like and asshole that I didn't even get her name. So if you are reading this, black and white sweater girl from Gelson's, I love you; you made my month. Please leave a comment below so I can worship you further.

I'm still struggling to relax. I'm reading lots of articles called things like "how to say no to people" and it's not helping. I just can't do it. What I can seem to do is cancel plans. Which is probably starting to make me an asshole. The problem is (or maybe it's not a problem), I am too tired to worry about being an asshole. There's got to be an easier way... 

Consequently, I've been battling major insomina. At night, I'm up late because I cannot shut my brain off. And my body does this thing now where I wake up every morning around 5:40 to pee. 

Also, and possibly as consequence, I've had a headache off and on for about three weeks now. I should probably stop mentioning it at work. Or at all. People always instinctively ask "have you taken something" and I always wanna reply "NO. I've had a headache for three weeks but am enjoying it so much, I've done nothing to try and cure it." It's rooted in the left side of my sinus cavity and shoots up into my head, ear and down through my jaw at will. It is horrible. It is probably further proof I should have sinus surgery but that's going to stay one of those things I bitch about and never fix like my right ankle. 

I've re-signed up for online dating. Trying this again. So far, it's been a succession of offensive and/or sleezy pick-up lines and akward situations. The winner so far is Tinder , who paired me with a former youth group teen, who is now 21. I basically wanted to die. Runner up to the COUPLE who hit on me via OK Cupid . They BOTH wanted to put their hands all over me so kind of a win, I guess. 

P.S. Just now noticing I way overused the word "asshole" in this post. And not caring. Guess what that probably makes me....

 P.P.S. NEVER EVER Google-image-search "asshole." OMG, I'm never going to recover... 

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