I had a revelation. For many many years, I have said that I really don't want to have children, or that I didn't know if I wanted to have them. Lots of reasons- I don't even have a boyfriend, let alone a husband- so why want something I cannot have? How do I know I won't make a mess of them? The examples I have aren't that great... These are some scary thoughts...
Anyway- I always prayed that I would not want something I could not have- that I would not be the kind of girl who wants a baby so badly that she rushes into a relationship and settles for the first "nice" guy- just so she could have one. I have waited long enough for a man- not to settle- especially just to have kids.
But last year- when I turned 35 I made a decision- to DECIDE once and for all if I really didn't want children.... or if I was just telling myself that to make it easier- and once I decided- I needed to DO something about it!
So... honestly- with alot of thought, prayer and some just plain talk and insight from my BFF-D... I know what I guess I have always known all along. I would be more than happy to have children. That if I meet the right man- having children will not be a choice- it is something that I will most certainly want. (Oh Boy!- that is probably the scariest thing I have ever actually typed here.)
I am still not one of those "clock is ticking" kind of women... hurrying around thinking about having a baby at the cost of all else- I am not going to rush into a relationship with a man just so I can have a baby (or two- Lord knows I prayed for twins from the time I was 12 to about 25! LOL) A marriage is too important to rush into... and if I never have babies- I will be ok with that too. I have an awesome life right now- and honestly even if I meet a man- there are perks to not having kids and having a full busy life... so it is good in all directions.
I am just not denying it to myself anymore.
Stay tuned for more information about what I plan to DO about it. Geesh- sometimes I wish I had done this whole move an change my life "thing" sooner- I am already 36! ok so I guess I do hear the clock "tick tocking" just a little bit! LOL