I have so much to blog about, and I don't want to over do it in one post. I for one, don't like to read other posts that are so long winded, so I am just going to keep this one short, for the moment.
Obviously, I am not going to be a
contestant on the Biggest Loser anytime soon. I was shocked a little, to be honest, that I didn't even get a
call back. But that is going to be all in my other post that is being drafted.
After the tryouts, I have to be brutally honest. I have been in the worst funk. I was never trying out for the show to be famous. I just wanted to come back a new me. I wanted that one on one attention from a trainer, and to work out, without interruptions and that focus. I wanted
my time to take my life back. I realize now, I need to get off my fantasy horse, and really do something about myself for me. Its not that I got rejected from the show or casting that has me so down, its just me in general. I have been on this battle for so long, that I cant remember when I exactly stopped battling. I
haven't been watching my diet, I
haven't been exercising. I have been eating non stop, and blaming everything and everyone else lately for my failures.
After a lot, and I mean a lot, of soul searching. I have come to this.
This morning, out of nowhere, I joined Weight Watchers, again. I can't even tell you how many times that I have done this very same thing. My mom started me on this program at the ripe old age of 12. So I am not new to the program. However, it has been the ONLY program that has ever worked for me. I
need the
constant structure of
journaling my food, I
need to attend meetings to get support, I
need to see the scale every week. I
need all of those things and more. I haven't told a soul in my family, not even my husband, whom I tell everything. I will in time, but for now, I am keeping this to myself, and all you in blog world, of course.
A part of me is so happy today that I feel that I am getting the support and guidance that I finally need, admitting that I cannot do this on my own. But another part of me is kind of down and sad that I have let myself get this far out of control. When I weighed in, I felt so embarrassed and ashamed, even though I weighed myself before I left, I know what my number is. It is the biggest number I have ever weighed in at the start of a WW program. For some reason, I have all of my old weighin slips, and I already checked them all. I am the biggest girl at the WW so far that I could see, (and one of the youngest) But their stares are not going to stop me. I am not a newbie. But I know I can do this.
Thanks to all who have not given up on me, even in the last weeks, when I felt that I gave up on myself. I plan to make this yet another, new beginning. It defenitely isn't my first new beginning, but I am sure as hell trying to make it my last.
Obviously, I am not going to be a contestant on the Biggest Loser anytime soon. I was shocked a little, to be honest, that I didn't even get a call back. But that is going to be all in my other post that is being drafted.
After the tryouts, I have to be brutally honest. I have been in the worst funk. I was never trying out for the show to be famous. I just wanted to come back a new me. I wanted that one on one attention from a trainer, and to work out, without interruptions and that focus. I wanted my time to take my life back. I realize now, I need to get off my fantasy horse, and really do something about myself for me. Its not that I got rejected from the show or casting that has me so down, its just me in general. I have been on this battle for so long, that I cant remember when I exactly stopped battling. I haven't been watching my diet, I haven't been exercising. I have been eating non stop, and blaming everything and everyone else lately for my failures.
After a lot, and I mean a lot, of soul searching. I have come to this.
This morning, out of nowhere, I joined Weight Watchers, again. I can't even tell you how many times that I have done this very same thing. My mom started me on this program at the ripe old age of 12. So I am not new to the program. However, it has been the ONLY program that has ever worked for me. I need the constant structure of journaling my food, I need to attend meetings to get support, I need to see the scale every week. I need all of those things and more. I haven't told a soul in my family, not even my husband, whom I tell everything. I will in time, but for now, I am keeping this to myself, and all you in blog world, of course.
A part of me is so happy today that I feel that I am getting the support and guidance that I finally need, admitting that I cannot do this on my own. But another part of me is kind of down and sad that I have let myself get this far out of control. When I weighed in, I felt so embarrassed and ashamed, even though I weighed myself before I left, I know what my number is. It is the biggest number I have ever weighed in at the start of a WW program. For some reason, I have all of my old weighin slips, and I already checked them all. I am the biggest girl at the WW so far that I could see, (and one of the youngest) But their stares are not going to stop me. I am not a newbie. But I know I can do this.
Thanks to all who have not given up on me, even in the last weeks, when I felt that I gave up on myself. I plan to make this yet another, new beginning. It defenitely isn't my first new beginning, but I am sure as hell trying to make it my last.