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My life, at this moment, in a post

Posted Aug 28 2009 8:06pm

I missed my new casual running group I signed up for, slept in until 7:30 (the exact time the running starts). I stayed up late last night drinking beer and doing internet research on gardening. It's the new moon, perfect for planting new seeds and gardens, and I have a lot of work to do, but wasn't sure how to organise the whole garden. Now I'm planned and excited to get started.

Kinda reminds me of the GAG Challenge that starts next week. I've been in a process of kind of clearing my head/heart I guess I could say, and I am so ready for it to get started next week! YAY!

I have been going through a plateau of not only an even no loss/gain weight period, but also in my attitude and energy. It's been a plateau of my life. I mean, it's really hard to explain, but I'll try. There are things in my life that are so great, bigger than I could have ever dreamed of. My husband mainly. He's my soul mate and I am so lucky to have him. My family. My city. My most fabulous church. Being a SAHM. Becoming a veggie gardener. Can't even believe how wonderful my life is there. Then there's the other side, the weight-loss struggle, the binging, temptations, a slight bit of depression, my court battle with my ex-husband (the main cause of my anxiety and slight depression) which is becoming worse and worse. Just got word last night he's suing us for a ton of money, making us pay for every dime of his lawyer fees (tens of thousands) which we can't afford. Our lawyer fees alone have been 60k in two years! We're reaching the point I may need to work. That sucks. And I'm a little lonely - my friends are great, but not many close friends. No one to call on a whim and say "let's go shopping" or whatever. Everyone seems so busy with kids and work and other social engagements. Johnny is my best friend and I adore every moment with him, but a good girlfriend to keep me occupied while he is at work would be nice. I also need to get a hold of my parenting skills, harness the good techniques and make them more effective. The plateau has certainly touched this area of my life. I'm doing great, but I have bigger dreams for parenting. I want to get better, and I'm working on it.

So, while things are really great, there's things that aren't. It could be a lot worse, and hate to complain because I feel my dreams are coming true, though it seems sometimes it's coming at a price. Sometimes it's my sanity. Not really, but it's not always smooth sailing.

Blah blah blah... just had to say.
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