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My Background Story...or something like that

Posted Feb 03 2010 7:05am
I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I can remember as a child my mom telling me I was getting "kinda chunky" to wear something or to watch what I ate. I remember being denied seconds because "I didn't need it." It was hard to grow up with any type of self-esteem with my own mother putting me down, it wasn't bad enough I would get picked on at school. I wasn't HUGE I was just Chunky. So my battle started maybe when I was like 13.
When I was getting ready to turn 15, I was going to have a quincenera. I was having some acne if there wasn't already enough issues to deal with, so I went to the doctor and we were going to treat my acne with a diet...and it worked, not only did my acne clear up but I got down to 115 lbs, and I was excited. I was also determined to keep the weight off (which you can kinda guess didn't happen since I'm here at the age of 31).
We moved shortly after my party, during the summer, to a little town where I knew no one and had nothing to do. I was miserable I had just left all my friends, so I was miserable inside watching tv...since that's all I had to do. I gained the weight back that summer, I was between a size 14-16 that was my freshman year. I maintained around a 16 throughout High School. Months after graduation I decided to get on Depo (birth control) and my weight was now out of control. Years later after many attempts of trying to lose the weight and only losing about 10 lbs each time, I'd pretty much given up.
Then one night a group of us were going to go out to Ybor and I wanted something new to wear...although after what happened next I'm not sure why. I bought a pair of pants that day, they were a size 20, I'd never bought a size 20, and I was determined not to ever buy a size 20 again. Bring on the water we get ready and we go out. I'm still not feeling to good about myself, but I manage to enjoy the night.
I then got pregnant...and I loved it. I loved shopping because everything fit! I gained 50lbs while pregnant...I lost between 20-25 before I went back to work, so I had to go shopping for my clothes....more size 20 *sigh*
So I started selling and using some weight loss products, I got down to 170-175, and then my 14 year old cousin passed away and I just couldn't handle it, I turned to food to comfort me. And I stopped selling the products as well. And of course true to form I gained it back and then some.
After a couple of failed attempts at losing weight using what ever came my way, even a 500 calorie diet (I was not friendly during this one, I couldn't even stand myself). I finally reached a point in my life where I decided I was going to love me for me regardless of how much of me there was to love.
Thankfully my job does this 'interactive health' thing every year, they do a blood screen on us, and when mine came back I was scarred. I was afraid that I would not see my son grow up. I was afraid I would end up diabetic, losing a limb or two (it's happened in my family), most of all I was afraid of being consumed by an illness (cancer, diabetes, heart problems) that I should have prevented, getting the best of me. I was scarred that I might not live another 5 years. That night that I got my test results back we were going to have burritos for dinner, when I called my husband and told him my results, he said ok we'll have fish and rice. And that was just the beginning. I've since changed some eating habits and occassionally endulge on some not so good choices. I've joined a gym and actually go and workout. I've lost about 39 lbs so far, which is the most I've lost (other then on the weight loss products), and have actually stuck to the plan. This isn't just to look good anymore, this is to watch my son grow up, graduate high school, go off to college and get married...this is so that I can actually have a life worth living not just one of just existing.

*In fairness to my Mom, it may not have been as bad as it seemed. But when you're in the situation sometimes you see things differently then the other person. This is just from my point of view and the way I remember it. So Mom if you read this, it's not meant to be hurtful, it's just how I felt at the time.
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