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Muffin Top Syndrome

Posted Sep 07 2008 8:36pm
Warning, this post is more of a rant than an educational article on exercise and nutrition, it may even offend you but I won't care.

On Sunday I hit the amusement park for a day of rides, walking and people watching with a bunch of friends from work. We had a great time making ourselves nauseous on the rides and acting like a bunch of idiots. When I was there, as I always do in public, I find the best entertainment comes from the people around you. People watching can be very entertaining if you are in the health and fitness industry. All the junk food being consumed, and the masses of obese people are entertaining enough, but unfortunately obese people are the norm now and the "whoa, look at how fat that person is!" thing has gotten old. My new pet peeve is watching young people walk by with bodies that look like crap!

At what point did almost every girl in North America decide to grow love handles and to show them off! I remember when only the one fat kid in class had love handles (usually me back then) and it was damn embarrassing. I sure as hell did show them off so why do all these girls! These days, all these young girls have massive love handles bulging up from their way too tight jeans and to make matters even worse, they have literally no ass! This has recently been diagnosed as Muffin Top Symdrome and it must be cured.

How Muffin Top Symdrome occurs I am not entirely sure, but did muffin tops somehow become sexually attractive to young men and these women know something I don't? Are they doing this on purpose or do they even realize how terrible this looks? Here is what I do know, fat bulging out from your jeans should be covered with this thing called a t-shirt. Try it ladies, trust me.

Where are all these muffin tops coming from? After watching all these adolescent girls pound ice cream and cotton candy I figure it is caused by repeatedly spiking insulin. When I was heavy it was due to over consuming carbohydrates. I gained weight and most of it was promptly put in my belly and love handles creating the now coveted "spare tire" effect. Apparently I was ahead of the fashion trend because this is what is happening to these girls. They are eating too much processed food, thereby spiking their insulin and forcing the body to store the fat around the stomach.

The whole no ass and skinny everywhere else thing is a result of being young and not eating so many calories that fat is being stored everywhere. But mark my words, it will start to catch up with these girls. Also, they have zero muscle mass due to inactivity and sitting all the time. No muscle means no ass, just look at the emo boys in their skinny little jeans. Girls that play sports tend to have toned and shapely lower bodies, girls that are inactive tend to have flat butts. Flat assed muffin top girls are inactive to be sure and need to start eating better.

How can you reverse or prevent Muffin Top Syndrome? Easy, follow my three step cure.

  1. Start eating real food again instead of processed crap (read other posts on this blog, read this article )
  2. Get off your atrophied ass and start exercising (join a rec league sport, a gym or find an activity you like. I recommend kettlebell training but it is really up to you.)
  3. Cover your Muffin Top if you haven't all ready! It should hide in shame, not be presented like some kind of strange sex symbol. But some jeans that fit and shirt that hangs over your belt, please I am begging you.

Below is a video with some Muffin Top Action, please don't be one of these people.
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