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Mentally Drained

Posted Oct 26 2009 11:03pm
Well I'm mentally drained. I'm hanging in there though and hopefully things will improve. The nephew had a meltdown on Saturday evening. It was a doozy and very scary. Before I knew it he was outside trying to bust things up in a rage I have never seen him in before. He's had a few meltdowns before but nothing like that and nothing in a very long time.

I ended up with a fat lip out of it all. Nothing he did to me physically just one of those snowball affect things. The blind on the front door got all twisted all up when he flew out the door and when I went to go outside to see what he was breaking it swung back and smacked me in the mouth. So today I have a big dark bruise on my lip and Mike keeps teasing me that people will wonder if he's beating on me lol.

Anyway, I have told Kevin either he has to go to therapy or he won't be driving. He never did give me his decision but he did go on the bus to school today. I've put in a call to my therapist (his old one) so I will see what we can set up. He is 17 1/2 so there really isn't to much more I can do. But I told him that between now and 18 I will continue to do my best to help him and that no matter how old he is I will always be here for him.

Yesterday he had another mini meltdown. I think a lot of this has to do with his rocky relationship with his girlfriend. I wish he would let her go but really I know these are issues he has from childhood that no matter what relationship he's in are going to happen. He has a tough time expressing his feelings especially with girls.

When we went to bed last night I told him I wanted to give him a hug and he said "you want to hug me but I've been such an assh *ole" and I told him "well I still love you" and he said "I love you too aunt Dawn" and I think we both felt a lot better.

Through all that turmoil I really saw some things in myself that showed me how much I've grown. In the past sometimes I would yell back at him because I would turn it around and make it about me "how could he treat me this way" "how could he do this to ME" etc. But this time I put it into prospective and told him that this wasn't about me it was about him and that I wanted him to get help now so that he wouldn't be like me at 40 something just sorting himself out.

When he was younger I took him to therapy but he would never talk. I still don't know if he will talk but I figure I have to at least give it a try if he will go. I'm hopeful maybe he will realize it's not a bad thing to get some therapy.

Another thing I realized through all this is that I didn't turn to food in a crisis. On Saturday Mike and I ended up going out and though I had 2 drinks it wasn't about drinking it was about spending some quality time with him and just getting away. We went to a little local bar and we played some pool and some ping pong and we had a nice time. Of course we were old fogies and ended up back home by 10:30 lol but we still had a good time.

Yesterday when more turmoil arose I went to the gym. I put in 2 hours of weight training and cardio and I came back home calmer. I made my stir fry and got Mike and Kevin to both eat it for dinner. I felt like though it was all mentally draining to me I came through it all ok with no damage to myself.

Tonight is another TOPS meeting up the road. 3 more to go and then I'm done till next year. Hopefully I will feel calmer tonight knowing I can handle myself in any situation.

I have another super busy week ahead of me. But I'm ok with that. Tomorrow Nicholas has therapy, Marie has swim lessons then on Wednesday it's me with therapy and another TOPS meeting and then the last one is on Thursday with more Marie swim lessons.

Some where in all this I missed a family funeral. I came to work today and there was a msg from my mom from Friday. I feel terrible I missed it but really nothing I can do now. I plan on sending my great aunt (my grandmom's sister) a card. She is 94 and I can't imagine how tough it must be for her to go to her son's funeral.

Sorry to be a downer today. I'm really not feeling that mentally down just tired.

On a bright note I got to take a shower on Saturday. Mike and Kevin got the rest of the durarock up so I put the shower pole w/curtain between two 2x4's lol and wala. Marie was too funny when she kept oooooing and ahhhhing in the shower about how great it was with the new fancy shower head (it's huge). Anyway, one more step in the right direction. I just wish we could get some walls up in there lol. Hopefully this weekend it will happen.

Well till tomorrow...
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