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meetings and more meetings

Posted Oct 20 2009 10:03pm
I'm feeling nervous about tonight. I've been to this TOPS chapter before and everyone is really nice and very welcoming so I don't know why I'm feeling nervous. It's just how I am I guess. I think I'm well prepared and will do fine with my program. I keep wondering though why am I doing this? Why am I area captain when I have so many social fears and phobias? I know they say doing stuff you don't usually do helps you to grow and I guess that's true. But goodness is it emotionally tough sometimes. Anyway, I'm not eating over it at least.

I have a meeting tonight, one tomorrow night and then 2 more on Thursday. Next week it will be one on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Then Marie has swimming lessons tomorrow and Thursday and then starts level 2 on Monday and Wednesday, ekkkk is all I can say. Oh yea and next week Nicholas has therapy on Tuesday and I have it on Wednesday. I feel like I'm going to be half crazy by the time next week is over. I have to fit in putting the new flooring down over at the cottage too and getting that ready to rent. Then it will be people and more people wanting to come look at it lol. I guess it's all a good test for me. I have to work Monday through Friday in there too.

Yesterday went fine for a Monday. I was feeling really tired though. Still think I caught something from Mike. He's pretty worn out too yet he won't take a sick day. I think it would do him good to just lay in the bed one full day but that's not him. He did at least go to bed early last night which hopefully helped him today.

Last night was family swim night. I got my 30 mins of laps in but boy was I feeling it in my arms and stomach. Mike and Kevin never showed up but Nicholas, Marie and I still had a good time. It was kind of chilly though, the water wasn't as warm as last week. Marie has 2 more days of lessons. I need to sign her up for level 2. She's doing really well the teacher said and I can see a big difference in her swimming abilities. I think swimming is going to be her thing she really enjoys it.

When I got home last night I was beat so I just ate left over stir-fry and made pizza dogs for everyone. Those things are just yummy. I even found low fat pepper jack cheese this time at the store so knocked off a few more calories. The fat free hot dogs aren't bad either. I try to only eat them every other week or so though because they do have a lot of sodium and I've really been trying hard to limit my sodium and processed foods. I think it really helps with my weight loss too.

I think weigh-in tomorrow will be pretty good. I'm looking to hit at least my 2 lb goal for the week.

I'll confess the past few week the loose skin has been on my mind. I've been looking online at plastic surgery procedures for a body lift and also to remove loose skin on the upper arms.After losing all this weight I do feel like a train wreck naked lol.

I have been doing weight training for almost 2 yrs and I know no matter how much I do this loose skin isn't going away without surgical help. I've pretty much decided that once I reach goal after a year of maintenance I will probably get a few things done. I feel like I've worked hard and I deserve to feel good in my body.I do think I'm pretty excepting of myself. I can look in the mirror and see what is good about my body. But I also know that the extra skin does bother me.

When I was at the workshop on Saturday a lady and I talked. I met her over a year ago and I really like her. She told me she had lap-band surgery 5 yrs ago which I didn't know. After talking for a little bit I felt compelled to tell her I've been in therapy for several years.

I've thought about this a lot during my 27 months of weight loss that some people don't need therapy to lose weight but I've also realized that some people could benefit from it. I know for myself being large all of my life I had some deep deep issues that I had never dealt with also a lot of childhood stuff. I think dealing with some of that stuff and making some valuable connections about my behaviors and the relationship to food has really set me free to lose this weight and realize I can keep it off for life.

This is definitely a very personal journey and after all the blogs I've read I know my way is made just for me. Of course I can give some tips or suggestions to others but I still think each of us has to find our own path that works best for us.

Well I better get back to work.

Till tomorrow...
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