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Lifting the Funk

Posted Feb 20 2009 7:22pm
I'm going to think of it like a big old barbell at the gym and just lift that funk right off myself. I'm not sure how it came on me but I can't let it last. So today so far I've eaten ok. For me, it really is all about the food. When my mood isn't good it's the food that starts slipping. I'm still wanting to eat everything in sight but I'm trying to think it through before I do it.

Thursdays there are bagels here at work. I allow myself a half with cream cheese. Today I really wanted a whole one. But I just made half and told myself if I wanted more later it would still be there. When I found myself looking in the bagel box again I told myself I had my homemade protein bar in my lunch box and so I ate that. Did I have nuts? Yep, I sure did, but just my usual one serving. Will I stick to that today? I'm going to try.

I'm trying to figure out how things went so wrong with my mood. I get so sick of one day up the next down and this constant back and forth. What the heck is wrong with me that I can't just have a LONG string of good days.

We are still struggling with my son. I know it's only been one day of instant rewards but I already see for him it's all about getting his reward without doing what he's suppose to. I'm going to give him the rest of the week but I just don't know if it's going to work. Today I have his chart and the family chore chart in my purse and I'm going to talk to the occupational therapist to see if she has any ideas. I just don't know what's going to motivate him.

So as you can see by the ticker up top I gained 1.6 lbs this week for a total of 2 lbs gained in 2 weeks. I swear every little bit of weight gain scares the crap out of me (no I haven't had any twigs today lol ). I have such fears of falling in a long time funk and not being able to catch myself. I'm just sick sick sick of thinking about my weight all the time.

Hubby went to bed early last night (7pm) and so I was with the kids till they went to bed then it was just me. I get so darn lonely at night I can barely stand it. I feel like I don't have any friends other than online. I know when you're married and have kids they become your life but a part of me wants something more. I need a hobby that involves other people. But I feel like my life is soooo full of appts, work, house stuff, TOPS, kids, exercise and the list goes on and on that I can't see how I could fit anything else in. I feel stretched to the limit already. I'm sure getting more sleep would help in a lot of ways but I just can't seem to do it. Going to bed before midnight just seems like a waste of my alone time. I have such a short amount of time to myself as it is.

Anyway, I'm tired of whining so today my plan is to "JUST DO IT". I will eat what is good for me in the right portions, I will go to the gym and workout hard tonight, I will give my kids and husband some smiles and hugs (especially my son) and I will "FAKE IT TILL I MAKE IT" because right now that's all I can do.

The TOPS meeting went well last night. I was leader since our regular leader was out of town. We had a new lady join last night too which was nice. I'm hoping for a few more people. So I have a new monthly game plan and I have a contest ready to start next week. I'm looking forward to better, more motivating, weeks ahead for our group.

So I had to mark a gain on the co-worker's whiteboard this morning. That's always so shameful to me. I keep reminding myself of how big that number use to be and what it is now. I need to start being proud of my accomplishments instead of my downfalls. It's my accomplishments that are going to push me forward not dwelling on my short comings.

So today I CAN DO IT, I WILL DO IT, CONSIDER IT DONE!!!

Till tomorrow...
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