I'm feeling less blah today. I think going to the gym last night helped a lot. It made me realize I'm not unsure of where I want to be the rest of my life it's more about the blah feelings creeping in and giving me negative thinking. I think I just need more fun in my life. So that's what I'm going to focus on.
Thanks to everyone who commented yesterday. Jack I do think I've changed my relationship with food a lot but there is still work to be done in that area. Lainey, so true that its not some evil alien taking me over lol. You made me laugh when you said that because I can't tell you how many times over the years I felt like it was some evil alien that had taken over my body and forced 2 pints of haagendazs down my throat lol. Diana, you hit it on the head, it's awareness, it doesn't have to be fear or feeling unsure it just has to be us always being aware of what we are doing. I think this is where we have to really focus on staying out of the blahs (depression).
I did make it through the day ok yesterday. During work I found myself passing the candy bowl on purpose. I kept thinking about taking 2 or 3 or 10 pieces and just sneaking them off to my desk and going to town. But I kept reminding myself it wouldn't help the anxiety or the blahs. I haven't felt like that about the candy bowl in ages, I'm talking well over a year. So I really do think it's about pulling myself up from depression.
After work the kids and I went to the grocery store. I ended up seeing my cousin in the store who I have only seen a few times in the past 15 yrs. For the long time readers you've probably heard me talk about my favorite aunt. She died at age 58 from Cancer but she was already dying from diabetes a slow and terrible death. She had lost most of her vision, her kidneys (was on dialysis 3 times a week) and most use of her legs. My fondest memories as a child were the ones of spending the summer down here in St. Mary's County with my aunt, uncle and cousin so losing my aunt, such an important person in my life when I was 27 was really hard for me. My cousin was adopted at 3 months old because my aunt couldn't have children. My cousin was just 2 months older than me so that's why I got to spend more time at my aunt's than my sisters did. I loved those summers. One year they took me to Disney World, another to Tennessee and Georgia and many times to Ocean City. We would travel in their big lincoln with their little camper towed behind. Funny that I remember little about my childhood, but I can remember almost ever detail about my summers spent with my aunt, uncle and cousin. Anyway, it was so good seeing her and getting to catch up. I know we could have talked for hours about all that's happened in our lives and also about the past. But I had Nicholas and Marie with me and after standing outside at the back of the van talking for what seemed a hour Nicholas finally got out of the van and politely said "I'm sorry mom I don't mean to be rude but can we go home now" lol. My cousin and I both laughed and she took my number and we hugged and said good bye. To think she lives just 15 mins from me yet I have seen her only a handful of times and never in a social setting. So I do hope we will try to get together to make time to catch up even more. I really do miss my family. As much as they drive me nuts I know they are the people that are always going to be in my life. Anyway, it was nice seeing my cousin. So after we got home the lady that had called the day before about the cottage didn't call or come. I guess I scared her off with all my questions lol. I did get a promising call though from a guy in Texas that will be starting work here on Monday. He comes into town on Saturday and will need to find a place quickly so I'm hopeful again. I finally headed to the gym about 6:30. Mike was feeling guilty he didn't want to go but I didn't let that stop me. I've told him before his healthy is in his own hands. So I headed out with my protein shake and put in my 2 hours. It felt really good to me. The gym was crowded but I didn't let it bother me. I just went about doing my thing. I've been really slacking with keeping my exercise blog up to date so I think this weekend I will try to catch up on there. I know I could just post what I do at the gym on here but I think that would be kind of boring.
I'll confess this week I've been trying to run again. I don't know what my deal is about that but I feel like I should be able to run. But sadly it's just not happening for me. I can run more than half my 30 mins but my knees suffer for it the next day. So last night I ran a little (about 5 mins) but I went back to just walking with a 10-12 incline instead. Really I burn more calories, work up more of a sweat and can just feel it in my lungs and heart rate better. So I need to just keep reminding myself just because I can't run doesn't mean I'm not getting in a good workout on the treadmill. Maybe when Spring gets here I will try running outside again. It seems my stride is longer and I feel less pain in my knees the next day. Before I left for the gym I asked Kevin or Mike if they would fix the chicken breast in the fridge. I told them to just throw them in the oven with a little bbq sauce which thankfully they did. So I ate dinner when I got home and then I took a nice long hot bath with jets. Even though we still don't have walls in there I'm thankful for my new bath tub *smile*. Before I got in the tub Mike headed off to bed. I think he's been feeling kind of depressed lately (probably part of the reason I am). I'm not sure why he's been feeling down maybe because of all the work ahead and the cottage being empty and all that's went on with Kevin, and the list goes on. But I went in and snuggled with him a minute and told him not to fall asleep *wink wink*. So after my bath we had some alone time and I think it helped both of us feel better. I know TMI but I'll confess, for me, sex helps get rid of the blahs BIG TIME lol. Till tomorrow...