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Kids Back To School Today and Healing Talk

Posted Sep 01 2011 3:16pm
Warning: long darn post!!

Yep, the kids went back to school today. Neither of them were thrilled about it but thankfully we all got up and ready and out the door on time so no one missed the bus.  Now that the kids are in different schools on different ends of town if they both miss the bus it's pretty darn difficult to get both to school in a timely fashion and me to work too.  So I'm crossing my fingers we won't have much bus missing going on lol. 

I made it to work early today, 7:45am so that felt good.  Though I am feeling kind of tired since I didn't get to sleep till like 1am and was up by 6am.  I'm hoping tonight will be a better sleep night for me.

I ended up being the one to go to TOPS last night.  It all worked out fine though since Mike walks when he takes Marie to soccer practice and I really did want to weigh-in.  I am back in leeway (182.6 officially) and I'm hoping within a few more weeks I will be back in the 170's.  The meeting was just a discussion meeting, we ended up talking about different ways to prepare foods and snacks and different things we each do.  We also talked about Irene and some of the folks had some damage with trees falling, nothing to bad though.  It was just nice getting to chat with everyone.

Tonight I plan on going to the gym for cardio and strength training.  I think with the marathon training my plan is going to be 40-50 mins of strength training 2 times a week and then 60 mins of cardio 3 days a week and then our long walk on the weekend (2-3 hours depending on what mile we're on) for a total of about 7 hours a week, mainly walking.  I can already tell a difference on the scale and just in general since I've been back to exercising regularly.  I really missed it mentally during my recovery time.

I updated on the right my "pounds lost" section with the month of August.  Of course I couldn't help noticing that I have been on an upward trend for the past 5 months now.  Nothing super major when you look at it as a whole, less than 10 lbs.  But if I let that continue it sure would add up over the months and I'm just not willing to let that happen.  I also know that I have went through some things during those months that didn't leave my mind (or body) at peace. The whole process of deciding to have the second surgery earlier than I originally planned (Jan 2012) and then going through that surgery.  Then Kevin was getting ready to leave and then did leave during that time too.  It's been tougher than I thought having him gone.  I'm adjusting but still it's a process with everything.  Then work has been a huge thing on my mind the past year too with feeling like things are falling apart here.  I've kind of come to grips with everything though and I really do think all the way around I'm on the up swing (and down swing on the scale).  I'm feeling motivated and determined again and feeling better all the way around. So I will get those extra lbs off and maybe even a few more but I'm not going to beat myself up over them because I think I did darn good with all that's been going on in my life. 

I haven't talked much lately in the past week or so about my healing/recovery (don't think the men need to read the rest of this post lol). I haven't been in any compression stuff for a few days now.  I have been wearing a camisole daily though as it just makes me feel smoother in the stomach area and seems to keep the swelling down there.  I've been wearing a sports bra since it's the only thing I have that fits right now.  I still need to get back to the store and look for a few real bras soon.  I need something with a wide side and back band though for the extra skin there.  Hopefully I can find something I like that looks decent. 

My arm incisions are what are healing the slowest.  It's still quite uncomfortable sleeping at night trying to find a way that is comfortable where I'm not sleeping on my arms or bending them at the elbow all night (use to sleeping with my head on my arms).  I'm guessing they are part of the sleep problem as I find myself waking up with them hurting sometimes in the middle of the night.  Oh something I don't think I mentioned, I don't seem to need deodorant now and there doesn't seem to be any hair growing back under my arms lol. I guess one of the perks.

The stomach incisions have healed ok though still looking kind of pink and the belly button is still a bit funky some days and I have to clean it with peroxide.  I still have the hard spot (doc said scar tissue) where the old belly button was too.  I've also had some muscle pains in the stomach area.  There wasn't any muscle work done this surgery so maybe it's just from me being back to more stretching and now the strength training. 

The backside incision (from hip to hip) is still pink also but healing fine.  I still have some soreness there especially when I've tried to run.  It just pulls it and it doesn't feel good.  At the butt crack it's still tender at times but it is healed there also.  I've had some dry patches going on in different spots too so I put lotion on them every morning after my shower and it seems to be helping.  I'm sure all the incisions will lighten up and soften up as time goes by.

The incisions around my aureoles are healing ok though I have puffiness going on with them at times especially the left one which is just naturally puffier because of the way the doc put it back on.  I'm hoping with time it will smooth out more like the right one.  I don't know what people have heard about the sensitivity of the nipples after surgery but they are SUPER sensitive though definitely better each week.  I had wondered how that would be with cutting them off and putting them back on but from what I've learned everything stays attached.  I'm also having a muscle pain under the left boob at times but I think that is because of the strength training (could be Mike's fault a little too lol).  I know from the last surgery that I will have some nerve and muscle pains going on for several months.  Right now I'm just looking for the arms to get less tender especially at the elbows and at night. 

As for how I look, well there are plenty of imperfections as expected.  I think so many people think doing this sort of thing that everything should be perfect, well they aren't.  I've talked about this before and I know without pictures you guys really can't know all the different things I have going on that aren't perfect by any means.  I think some might look at me naked now and think goodness what did she do to herself, why did she put herself through all that to look like that with all those scars.  Again, it's a personal choice and being that I'm married I never have to worry about being judged by a man or anyone else about what I look like without my clothes.  Mike has been supportive of me fat, loose skin, scars, whatever way I've been during our 15 yrs together and I'm thankful for that.  I think we both look at me and think I look pretty darn good from where I came from and really that's what it's about, me feeling good about my choices and being comfortable in my own skin (even feeling sexy at times).  Do I find myself picking at the imperfections that the doctor could have done differently, of course but I think that's a factor of me being cheap and wanting my moneys worth and also not really knowing what to expect till after the fact.

As far as my doctor is concerned I think he did the best he could.  I think he is a man that plays it safe after 22 yrs in the business.  I think he could have went tighter in areas but I know he also has had complications in the past and knows from experience how far he is willing to push tightness.  I don't blame him for being cautious and through this second surgery I can see the things he did extra trying to fix what I wasn't happy with.  Like I said some might see me and think he didn't do a very good job but then I think I had issues already since I had existing scars already on my stomach that he had to deal with scar tissue already there.  Also having that much extra skin a doctor just can't fix it all without many surgeries doing it in stages.  I am content enough with how I turned out after only 2 surgeries.

Have I thought about a 3rd surgery, sure I have.  Since the beginning the doctor said I would want 3 but I really am not willing to spend any more money, I just don't have any more to spend anyway.  Plus after 2 surgeries within 6 months I just wouldn't want to put my body through more or my mind for that matter.  It has been a lot to go through and though I think I've weathered it all pretty well I think I need a break from thinking about it.  I see the doc next week and I think it will most likely just be a quick visit of him looking me over and seeing things are healing ok.  Maybe at my 3 or 4 month appt he will talk about the revisions I could get and I will let myself dream of fixing all those things and get a price lol.  But I know that's all it will be because like I said I'm really not willing to put myself through more. 

I think just like so many things in our lives a person with an addictive personality can transfer their addictions.  I can say with conviction that plastic surgery will never become an addiction for me.  It was just something I felt I wanted for myself to finish my journey I've been on the past 4 yrs.  I've learned many lessons through the 2 surgeries too that have been very valuable to me.  I also know the person I am inside is way more important than the person on the outside.

My journey now is just about trying to live my life and find happiness with myself and in my life.  I do want peace with food too which I'm hopeful I will eventually have.  I do see progress each day with myself in a lot of areas.  Today I'm content  and grateful :)

Till next time...
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