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It's My Birthday And I'll Post Whatever I Want To!

Posted Apr 29 2011 9:48am
Not to overshadow the new Duchess of Cambridge's wedding, but it's my birthday today!  It's actually the first birthday that I haven't been traveling for in 3 years!  I'm quite happy to be home and I've already pre-planned to make a pig of myself at your favorite restaurant and mine, Fuddruckers!  The food is average, but it has an UNLIMITED cheese dispenser fountain that tastes great on, well, anything.  To this day I can't help but look down upon the stupidity of people that order cheeseburgers here!  WHY ARE YOU PAYING EXTRA FOR CHEESE WHEN THERE IS AN UNLIMITED CHEESE DISPENSER RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER!?!?!  This is one of the bains of my existence.

Kurtis Lort:
"You are a sad, worthless, pathetic, and CHEAP little man.  By little, I was referring to your brain capacity, not your shamefully large girth, fatty!"

I wanted to sleep in today to give myself a break for my b-day and skip my lifting/biking/heavy bag training.  However, after remembering what an absolute disgusting fat body I plan to make of myself tonight I figured I probably shouldn't.  It's not all super bad-for-you food though!  I plan on getting a buffalo burger on a wheat roll as well as a diet soda.  This way when I have my mouth attached to the spout from the cheese fountain and some well meaning old bag looks at me and says "You should feel ashamed of yourself!" I can tell her first that she is an old bag, and second that I'm not ashamed of myself because I got a lighter option choice of the buffalo burger with a wheat roll as well as a diet soda.  She'll then give me a good firm smack across the face, from the old bag comment, but I'll be the moral victor in this battle of whits!

Bradford Pennyweather:
"You forgot to add the word "Nit" in this battle royal of yours.  Tata!"

During my birthday just 3 short years ago I tipped, or broke, the scales at over 360 lbs!  Now I clingingly hover around the 200 mark.  What a wild ride it's been, but I do miss saying "He's not so fat!" about every single portly person I see on TV.  I still say it, but I don't get the same rightful look of disgust from people that I used to.  I also don't get the same wisenheimer comments like the time some guy saw my 360 lbs running after a food truck .  Instead I just get people flipping me off on general principles and laughing at me when I fall down.  Clearly not as entertaining or noteworthy as the guy's comment when he saw what he perceived as me chasing down food. 

I hope everyone enjoys this great day, and remember, whenever you hear it's Prince William and Princess Kathryn's (That's right, she's not Kate anymore) anniversary, it's also my B-day.  I suppose if you are a Nazi, you would also remember it as the same day that Hitler married longtime sweetheart Ava Braun and made an honest woman out of her.  One of the more fascinating and less talked about facts involving Hitler is that he survived numerous assassination plots, tons of death threats, etc. etc.  He was in charge of an attempted genocide of an entire race putting them through absolutely unimaginable and disgusting circumstances.  He slaughtered millions of people for no other reason than he didn't like them.  He was an intolerable monster with no remorse or human compassion.  This man was impervious and uncaring to all forms of suffering without blinking an eye.  Well, almost any kind.  Adolf Hitler, Married April 29th 1945.  Adolf Hitler committed suicide April 30th 1945.

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