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It’s time to get SMART in the New Year

Posted Jan 01 2013 10:45am

It’s time to get SMART in the New Year

January 1, 2013 By

So you want to start fresh because it’s a new year, right?

Well then it’s time to get SMART!

(For the purpose of this post today, I will be using Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen as examples for how to get SMART!)

While I am not going to recommend that you read Nightwood by Djuna Barnes or Finnegans Wake by James Joyce… Because to be honest, I have having a hard time believing that Lindsey or Charlie can actually read.

I am however going to recommend that you…

  • S: Make Your New Year Resolutions Specific… If Lindsay finally decides to give up the sauce, she needs to be extremely specific. Nix the cocaine and every single ingestible liquid that contains alcohol… This includes mouthwash.

Lindsay Lohan Drinking

Oh yeah, that’s just Pallegrino…

  • M: Make Your New Year Resolutions Measurable… For Charlie, this would mean getting his 30, 60, 90 sobriety chip at his AA meetings. Can you make it 365 days without the tiger blood, Charlie? Winning!

Alcohol Free Beer

Alcohol-Free, The Way To Be!

  • A: Make Your New Year Resolutions Attainable… It is very realistic for Lindsay to abolish drugs and alcohol from her life, however it’s not all very realistic to say that Lindsay won’t ever go to a nightclub, after all, her “job” depends on it.

Lindsey Lohan as Liz Taylor

Anyone rip their eyes out while watching this monstrosity? Liz probably turned over in her grave.

  • R: Make Your New Year Resolutions Relevant… Giving up hookers, now that’s relevant to Charlie… However, it’s not all that relevant for Lindsay… Oh wait a minute…

Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohan

You guys didn’t know they were dating?

  • T: Make Resolutions Time Specific… Lindsay and Charlie are lucky in that their jobs give them time frames for which they need to “shape up” (these two REALLY need to work on this aspect of the SMART acronym) … For the rest of us, an impending event, deadline or the second Friday in March, are all time frames that you can use to help you focus on your goal.

Lindsey Lohan Fuck You Nails

Clearly deadlines help Lindsey get back on track…?



If you’re REALLY looking to start the new year off on the right foot (literally & figuratively)… Then everyone, whether or not it’s your goal to lose weight, ditch cigarettes, get ahead at work, ride a Unicorn through a lush pasture full of honey… Whatever…

You should ALL start EXERCISING! (Lindsey & Charlie INCLUDED)

I was fortunate enough to receive a MYSTERY package at my doorstep a few weeks ago only to reveal (after I ripped the box open like a paper shredder)… A BRAND NEW PAIR OF Saucony Guide 6 Sneakers!

Saucony Guide 6

Light-weight, yet filled with jet fuel!

The Sneaker Gods (AKA: Fitfluential ) rock my world! 

These kicks, that are super lightweight, will have you kicking (man, I am GOOD) to go in the new year, so you should definitely get your hands on a pair of these make you feel like you have jet packs attached to your feet sneakers!

Buzz Light Year


In all seriousness though, who doesn’t want to be a SMART-E!

Linds, Charlie, I am forcing you both to raise your hands right now.


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