My flights to and from Arizona were uneventful. No one threw up (as far as I know) and I didn’t require any anxiety medication. In hindsight, my fears seem so silly. But that’s usually how it goes, right? That, and the fact that I’ve made an effort to not only feel those anxious feelings but ACKNOWLEDGE them out loud and move them out of my body (mind and spirit)!
On Saturday (while in Arizona), I got word that my 94-year-old grandmother had fallen and was in the hospital. I hold my Grandmother’s power of attorney, and am her healthcare conservator and primary trustee. Thankfully my return trip was scheduled for Monday and I was able to go see her in the hospital on Tuesday.
As much as she wishes she could stay at home and manage her own affairs, that’s not going to happen. My grandmother has clung to her independence and will fight anyone who threatens it. She can be downright mean and combative, but I understand that she’s reacting from a frightened and insecure place. We all have that frightened little child within.
Everyone with whom I speak about this situation tells me how hard it’s going to be. And based on everything I’ve ever heard, it IS a hard situation. And yet, last night as I was telling Tim about the day and doing what needed to be done, I realized that I am handling it and that it’s not really all that hard. For sure there’s a learning curve, but I have everything I need. I have resources. I also realized that everything that has happened over the past couple of years has brought me to this place and prepared me to handle it with grace and a positive attitude. I feel capable and confident, even though I don’t have all the knowledge right this very second. I am sure that when I have a question, I will find the answer.
Also while in Arizona I heard my BFF sing (she’s taking guitar lessons and I went with her). She’s always had a lovely voice. In fact, she won a talent show when we were in seventh grade, singing Don’t Rain On My Parade , which was made famous by Barbara Streisand in the movie Funny Girl. It you know anything about this song, you know it’s a song that needs to be SUNG, in full exuberance! In researching the song and listening again to the lyrics, I am struck by how appropriate they are now, for both my friend and me.
I haven’t heard her sing since then (other than her murmuring the words to songs on the radio). A few weeks ago her teacher asked if she’d like to sing Sarah McLachlan’s Angel for an upcoming concert. She’s been nervous about using her gift, worrying that her teacher would think she’s not good enough. I said to her that it was HIS idea that she sing this particular song…and that he wouldn’t have suggested it if he thought she couldn’t handle it. And in one of those weird twists of fate, Angel was her mother’s favorite song. Her Mom died in her arms several years ago from throat cancer. This was a woman who had silenced herself…squelched her own creativity with self-deprecating humor. I am glad my friend is not following in her mother’s footsteps. Hearing my friend sing this song so beautifully brought me to tears…it was that moving and she is that good.
And then this Note From The Universe: “Do you know what’s really, really, really easy? Whatever you say is really, really, really easy. Same goes for the hard stuff.”
And finally this, from another good friend: “To all you parents out there: Boast not for your child’s accomplishments and feel no guilt for their foibles, for both success and failure are on the child. Be grateful for providing your child with all of the things they need to be successful and thank your child for doing the right things when you know they have the choice to do both right or wrong.”