Kick me when I’m down gosh darnit. I am trying to kind of start over today with eating right and counting. I am on the verge of the negative guilt cycle but not there yet. Then, two giant beautifully yummy pizzas are brought to me and my boss as a business gift. I take one pizza in hand to deliver it myself to the ladies in the front office. I really felt like I got kicked in the nads. I am just going to list a couple of the ways I was feeling.
- I felt like I couldn’t be a normal person and indulge.
- I was mad that it is not healthy to just chow down.
- I was sad that I chose to miss out on the pizza.
- Why? Why? Why?
So I walked back to my office thinking of the title to this post. If hunger is not the problem then food is not my answer. I told myself that I am strong and healthy. I told myself that I am not more of a complete person just because I eat pizza. I am no less of a person if I chose not too eat it either. I tried talking myself into believing that pizza doesn’t really matter to me and that food temptation usually only lasts around 5 minutes. It was not the taste I was wanting, it was not the fullness that I wanted, it was the emotional feeling of being a normal person that I wanted.
Freakin A. I am a normal person. HAHAHA Only now I am a healthy normal person. I don’t have to drown out feelings of insecurity or inferiority with food. Screw that. I will walk on and be strong. I will not eat the pizza. I will stay within my points which is designed to keep me satisfied for the day. I know my points allowance for the day is enough. One piece of pizza right now would put me at zero points for dinner. I don’t want just veggies for dinner. I want a real dinner and a real dinner I will have because I am going to make the healthy choice. In fact, I already have. I don’t have my camera to take a pic but I wish I did. They cut the piece extra huge and the first thing I thought of was that I could count it as one piece even though it is big enough to be two.
See you later.
So I walked back to my office thinking of the title to this post. If hunger is not the problem then food is not my answer. I told myself that I am strong and healthy. I told myself that I am not more of a complete person just because I eat pizza. I am no less of a person if I chose not too eat it either. I tried talking myself into believing that pizza doesn’t really matter to me and that food temptation usually only lasts around 5 minutes. It was not the taste I was wanting, it was not the fullness that I wanted, it was the emotional feeling of being a normal person that I wanted.
Freakin A. I am a normal person. HAHAHA Only now I am a healthy normal person. I don’t have to drown out feelings of insecurity or inferiority with food. Screw that. I will walk on and be strong. I will not eat the pizza. I will stay within my points which is designed to keep me satisfied for the day. I know my points allowance for the day is enough. One piece of pizza right now would put me at zero points for dinner. I don’t want just veggies for dinner. I want a real dinner and a real dinner I will have because I am going to make the healthy choice. In fact, I already have. I don’t have my camera to take a pic but I wish I did. They cut the piece extra huge and the first thing I thought of was that I could count it as one piece even though it is big enough to be two.
See you later.