When the waitress set our shakes on the table, I swear my brain was thinking that's IT?? at the same instant Jeff was saying something like I'm glad we didn't get our own, these are big, and as I processed this, I began to realize that just when I think I'm pretty set in my healthy ways with this no-longer-new lifestyle, the old me pops up to say a greedy hello.
The shake tasted great, but...I was expecting a huge shake. Yes, this was split into two glasses (normally you would get a glass like what's shown plus the additional shake in a metal tumbler, but our waitress offered to do two glasses when she heard that we were splitting it). Yes, it was PLENTY for me. But I wanted more. I wanted excess. I wanted a MONSTER MILKSHAKE, regardless of whether or not I needed that much dessert (I did not). This was not post-half marathon hunger talking; rather, this is my mindset, even after nearly six years of changing my life by losing over 100 pounds. I still, sometimes, want large portions of food.
This is why I still measure out certain things. Why I am on auto-pilot for most of my meals. Why I don't even consider ordering dessert after a restaurant meal most of the time. Why I split treats with Jeff. Because going back to my old ways seems normal. That milkshake didn't look huge to me. Despite all of the changes I've made since 2008, deep down, I'm the same person who ate my way to 256 pounds...and that person, if unleashed, could do some fast damage. I guess instead of expecting more from food, I need to expect more from myself.