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Hump Day Treat: Whacker Crackers

Posted Nov 04 2009 10:06pm

I’m rather excited about this week’s treat. It’s a classic snack food, but homemade.

Fun facts (via my Human Sexuality Seminar in college): a Graham cracker is actually a biscuit, and was developed circa 1829 by Rev. Graham, who came up with the Graham Diet to make people stop masturbating. Seriously. Corn flakes were developed for the same reason. They thought bland foods suppressed “carnal urges.”

Well, apologies to the reverend, but here at Shedding It, we believe in Getting It. So I had to change the name; I would never want to stop you from getting busy with yourself.


1/4 cup all-purpose flour

7 ounces whole-wheat flour (you can use a food scale; it’s just a little less than a cup)

1/4 cup sugar

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

1/8 tsp cinnamon

1/4 cup cold butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes

1 tbsp honey

1 tbsp molasses

1/8 cup cold water

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

This Is How We Do It

Combine the flours, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and butter.

Process in a food processor until the mixture resembles coarse meal. I did it in the Magic Bullet, and I think the trick is to do it in small batches and to pick the Bullet up and shake it like you’re making a martini while it’s grinding. Within about 20 seconds, it becomes the right consistency — it looks a lot like brown sugar. Use a knife to break up the butter clumps further.

Add the honey, molasses, water, and vanilla. Mix with an electric mixer until the dough starts to come together (about 30 seconds) and then roll into a ball.

Between two sheets of waxed paper, roll the dough 1/8-inch thick. Chill for at least 1 hour, until firm.

Preheat oven to 350 F. Roll dough again if it’s not the right thickness. (I think I made mine a little too thick; if you roll them really thin, they will be more cracker-ish.)

With a sharp knife, cut the dough into 2-inch squares. Alternately, you can use a cute cookie cutter and do things that way! I cut them by hand; next time, I’ll probably use a cookie cutter, even if it’s just a nice square one. You can also score the dough but not break them apart; they will break apart when they are baked just like the store-bought kind!

Use a a toothpick to prick several holes in each cracker. Bake for 15 minutes, until lightly browned at the edges.

Remove from the oven and let cool on the pan.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure this would actually taste like a graham cracker. I was skeptical. But it did! It’s crunchy, crumbly, sweet, spiced….amazing! I love graham crackers with peanut butter, so that’s exactly how I ate it and it was a great bedtime snack. Since store-bought grahams often have HFCS (seriously, so annoying), this is a pretty easy alternative! You can also make these for crushing up if you need graham cracker crumbs for any holiday recipes.

For a real Hump Day Treat, you should definitely top with dark chocolate and a marshmallow and make s’mores!

Have a great night!

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